If you are waiting to become a finished product you are waiting for death

Darkness, Faith, Growth, Hope, Inner child, Inspire, Never give up, Reconnecting, Self love, Small steps, Vulnerability, writing

I am aware of the harsh title of this blog however it is time to start living your life now. We have all done it and said it, many times. “When I get a better job I will be sorted”. “When I lose weight life will be great”. This place, this time, this “when” is now and can only ever be now. We are not alive in the past nor in the future. If either of these places is how you travel through your life then stop and reflect on where you are going. It is only by being right here in this very moment and connecting with now that you touch ‘alive’. You touch life.

Reaching this level of consciousness, this level of awareness requires visiting some dark places. I am not going to lie and say this is easy however I know for a fact that it is never as bad as how you imagined it to be. The unknown always appears larger than it actually is. Getting to the point of knowing that something has to change, you have to change brings every emotion out of the woodwork.

There is a knowing deep inside of you that is calling you. It is not scientific or magical in that sense. It is something very beautiful. It is you.

Your true self, your younger self, your innocent self wants to meet up. You want to connect. You need to connect. Without connection there is a disconnect. With disconnection there is separation. With separation you are alone.

We all know that you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. It is a horrific feeling at times. Somewhere along the journey of your life you left a part(s) of yourself and they are missing you. They have been trying to tell you for a long time but you have not been listening. When you didn’t listen I cried. I still needed you so I tried to get your attention in different ways. When I shouted at you I hurt you. I am not sorry. I did that out of love, for you. I love you and I just wouldn’t stop trying to tell you until you heard me. That is what real love is. It is not flowers and chocolates. It is not dishonesty. It is honest and brave and relentless. It will never give up on you. You are just not listening, not open. You need to be open to receive. Open your heart to love. Open your heart to you.

Love

Sophie Marie x

The Power of Meditation

Meditation, Self love, Self respect, Uncategorized

My connection with meditation started a few years ago with meditation drop in sessions at the Buddhist centre. The voice and words of the Buddhist monk hypnotized me in a way that stuck with me and even though I did not keep a regular routine I never forgot the feeling.

About a year ago (or was it two) I was lucky enough to attend a meditation course as part of a support package that I received through a domestic abuse charity. It was one of the most powerful experiences, a feeling of true connectedness, real honest engagement and a collective feeling and embodiment of hope.

On one occassion whilst in the middle of a mindful yoga practice, I had a huge awakening. We were told to do as little or as much as we were able to do of the moves, to work with our own body. This one moment I felt different, emotional, different feelings ran through me and I couldn’t stop them.

I consciously limited my movement to what was comfortable and did not push myself as I always would. This was a strange feeling for me however it felt good, kind and loving to myself. It was at this pinnacle moment that my life changed for the better. I had finally got to the point where my mind (not my body) said “no more”. No more pushing myself too hard, doing more and more. It was in this moment that I realised how hard I had been on myself all my life, how much I pushed myself and I hadn’t realised quite how much until that moment. It was very emotional for me and I shared the emotion and the impact with the others in my group. They were all so supportive and I felt very safe. Safe to be in the room and more importantly safe to be myself.

A big down period followed which was the hardest drop I had experienced or so it felt. It was at this time that I started to grieve. I was grieving for what I had failed to give to myself, the lack of self love, the lack of understanding, the lack of compassion, the lack of respect. I was grieving myself. It wasn’t the first time that I had grieved over myself so I was aware of the experience. I remember at that time saying that I felt like I had been running with lots and lots of horses and I was always up top with the other horses following me behind and then all of a sudden the horse at the top (me) came to a halt, a stumble almost and then a stop and then everyone or as it felt at the time everything came crashing down on top of me. It was no wonder I felt so down and for a long period of time, it was a huge load that had come crashing down into me.

Fast forward to my life now and back to meditation. I am going through quite a challenging time at the moment however I have still been meditating every night and it is still having a massive effect on me. It is not a long meditation, sometimes ten minutes sometimes a little longer however the time period is irrelevant. It is the fact that I am giving myself that time, that self love, showing myself that level of self respect and what it does is almost like having a protective bubble around you. It is a healthy, safe protection with good energy and it radiates from me. The difficult things still touch me however they sort of bounce off rather than filter. The negativity from external sources can not penetrate and with every ping back comes an increase in confidence and energy and light.

There is a feeling, deep within me and that feeling is one of peace and love and happiness. I am at one with God, the world, people, myself, everything. It is a feeling of deep, true connectedness and it feels truly amazing. I said to myself today as I was walking home in the cold, crisp air “you know you are truly, truly happy when you are going through really challenging times yet you still feel and know you are the luckiest person in the world and blessed”. This feeling is priceless. I am always truly blessed.

I feel blessed to be here, to be writing to you, to be feeling and seeing and loving. I am free.

With much love and true blessings

Sophie Marie xxx