Letting go to reach a higher level of being

Creative brain, Growth, Letting go, Organisation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Stuck, writing

How many different emotions have you experienced since yesterday? Me, tons and I am currently feeling a variety of things which is causing some discomfort. I think the biggest feeling washing over me right now is that of something being stuck in me that I want to rid myself of. Sounds weird I know but try and stay with me as I try and stay with myself. My brain is amazing, well I think so and it is also annoying. I have always told people that for me my brain is a blessing and a curse (I am sure all you creative individuals are with me on that one).

To have a brain that will not just settle for the standard, the everyday sort of thoughts. Hell no, my brain is so active today that I have worked so hard already and also have not done one simple thing. Are you still with me? What I mean by this is that I have thought about a million different ideas, creative thoughts, what I want to do, what I need to do, what I need to get out of my head, how I need (or is it want or both) to make my site look even more professional. Aargh. Too much.

I have had a very creative week with new pieces of art, more interior styling and decorating in my house, new creative ideas and now I am at the too many thoughts I can’t focus stage which I know every creative feels and probably hates. It is an infuriating stage, you get fed up with yourself, I feel like I am working so hard but not getting anywhere at all and so I try harder to no avail. This is when I hear the words “stop” screaming out at myself. I need to practice what I preach and just stop.

I felt a familiar feeling today which is when I feel like there is loads of stuff inside me, screaming to be let out but for some reason I keep it in and it pushes harder and screams louder at me. Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.

I took this today that I need to write and here I am. It is a feeling that there are lots of things inside me that need to come out and at the time I theredo not know how they need to come out, just that they need to come out. I feel stifled, untidy, there is a feeling of dirtiness like I need to get more organising done. I know it is all psychological as I know my mind and my body and how it talks to me or tries to talk to me.

For a few weeks I have felt that I am moving on to another level again, moving further up. When this happens it is as though there is a mountain of junk built up that needs to be disposed of. In reality this is not the case as my home (apart from my washing up that needs doing) is tidy, organised and is extremely clean and fresh after I spent the weekend cleaning and creating equilibrium. I get a rush of feelings where I feel the need to dispose of things. As I get to a new level in my personal development, there are things that are then just hanging around, flapping about loose, just getting in the way, tripping me up and needing to go. I can’t simply tip myself upside down and shake the redundant out of me, however that would be so much simpler. For me that equates to “ooh what can I get rid of”.

It is my minds way of telling me that I have reached a newer state of being and I need to let go of emotions/feelings/times/experiences that are no longer serving me and are literally tripping me up. Around this time there is a state of unease, it is uncomfortable but necessary. I am aware that not everyone will experience it like me as I am unique to my own path. I am sure people that continually work on their own being, their own self development, in a constant state of evolving will experience similarities.

The uncomfortable feeling is one where I want to cry a bit and scream. The tears are not of sadness, more of frustration and as I type more I let out a massive sigh. Ooh, that feels better. I feel easier in myself, freer so I know what I needed and by giving that to myself I am able to help myself which in turn gives me my power back.

Having a creative mind and the personality type that I have (INFP) in case you were wondering I am always at great depth. For some people they may see this as me being lost in my own world and there is often a negative connotation with that. People say that to children a lot like being in their own world is a bad thing. Why is being in your own world bad? Who else’s world should you and I be in?

It is easy for people to understand what is in front of them, what is known to them, what they can easily follow however the unknown to anyone is difficult. We need to see greatness in difference, greatness in the unknown as well as fear. It is only when you are willing and or brave enough to enter the unknown that you start to change, to grow and to feel more. Until you know me better, I am all about the feelings. I live at great depth, with great soul and I connect with nature, communication and anything and everything that is real, honest and alive. This is how my world is. I can not be myself and operate on a superficial level as this is not my level. For some this is too much and this is fine. For others they find this interesting, intriguing. For the remaining few where are you? I need to connect. I need to be me and so I write, I create and this is how I interact with the world and myself.

The more I write and follow my creative path the more I have to continue. You know it is your life path as it is not only a want but more strongly a need. Like needing air to breathe. Creativity is my oxygen. To have the ability to express myself in numerous creative ways is a blessing. For all the struggles it creates, I would not change me for a moment. I am as always truly blessed for every part of me and my life and my brain. It is creativity that brings life to the world. I don’t choose to exist in the world, I choose to live. Do you?

With much love and kindness

Sophie Marie x

Taking Risks to Transform

Faith, Transformation

I have been thinking for a while that I need a change of hair colour and yesterday was the day that I stopped talking about it and just did it. I looked at this colour and it stopped me in my tracks. I had a moment and in this moment I knew this was the only one that I wanted. It wasn’t a colour I had ever spoken of or thought about however it was something that I felt in that moment, in my gut and I knew it was the one. Anything that causes that deep, gut feeling is always the one. It wasn’t without fear and I did fret a bit waiting for the colour to develop (pretty instant in fact) just in case my hair turned green and or dropped out (no, I did not wait the 48 hrs as advised) but here I am and here my new hair is in all its glory and all in one piece.

There are many times in life that you have to just go with what is in your gut, what creates a deep feeling. For me it is a knowing. I have come to know that despite incorporated fear, if it gets me straight away, punches me straight in the stomach that I just need to power through the fear and do it as it is the way forward for me.

My hair is quite a transformation, the deepest of blue with a richness and opulence that envelops me. I love it, really love it. I keep grinning and I had such a good time last night at home arranging more of my artwork and I completed a new large art piece also which just added to my feeling of oneness, freedom and of being transported to a higher place. When I am going through a period of change I can feel it, it is tangible and a little scary if I am being truly honest. I can actually feel myself moving on to a different place, a shift. There is a feeling that I am letting go of something and with this is a feeling of slight disconnect for a moment, I almost lose breath for a few moments. It felt safe and slow which helped the process and despite the slight unease that goes alongside it I was surrounded by an abundance of peace and protection (alongside the soundtrack of A Star Is Born on repeat).

I know when I am stagnant and when you are stagnant you die. You have to be constantly evolving and in a state of transformation. It is like hitting an impass, nowhere else to go and you keep hitting something that is not moving. It is hard and there is no other way to go so you have to take the new path that you have been carving out for yourself (even when you don’t realise you have been). There are always crossroads in life and I have reached many. For me, it is about leaving the old paths behind (with memories and experiences in tow) in order to face head on my new path even if I don’t yet know what is on it. I believe if I am really being truly honest, at my depth I do know, yet I am scared. I know it is what I want, where I want to go, how I want to travel, however the fear of the unknown soil tugs at me and tries to make me stay. I don’t want to stay, I don’t belong there anymore. I have moved on. I have grown. I have evolved and I am happy. I choose my own life path and I will take my own path along with the fear and see where it takes me. As my daughter and I say when we are about to do something new and exciting, eek.

I hope you keep with me on my journey. I send you all encouragement and love on yours.

Love and blessings

Sophie Marie