How my clothes help me embrace my personality

Clothes, Free, Freedom, Good enough, Growth, Helping others, Personality, Quietly confident, Say yes to rest, Soul, Spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized, Writer, writing

For me, like my home my clothes are a big part of who I am and is another way that I can embrace being me. I do not like to look like anyone else and I do not like to wear whatever is ‘in fashion’. This is just another way that people conform to the masses, look like robots and follow each other. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people do this. I always say I do not like to look like anyone else but what that really means to me is that I just want to be me. I always knew that I thought about life and clothes in a different way to others and this at times has caused me to wonder what was wrong with me. Why did I think one way when a lot of people who I knew or were around seemed to view the world differently. I have written before about how I used to be when I was younger, in primary school. This was the true representation of who I was. Quietly confident in who I was and what I liked even though this was sometimes random or ununusual. I didn’t care. I did not even think about it. I just did. I just was and I was free.

When you experience trauma in your life, it changes you. Simple. Trauma changes life as you know it, trauma changes you, trauma changed me. It affects every single aspect of your life. The way you see the world, the way you view people, your own safety or lack of it, the way that you see yourself, the way that you present yourself. As I write this, hiding is the big word that keeps popping up. I do not want to write too much just now on this as I feel a poem will best help me to put this into words. When I write I like to feel. Sometimes, the words only feel surface and I feel that I want to go deeper and express more. It must be time, I must be ready and it feels safe. It feels special and important and something that I want to share. I remember when I kept everything to myself. All my struggles, all my pain. I am now in a place where I no longer want to hide, I just want to share. I want to share and inspire. I hope to inspire, just be being me. When we think we have to do more, be more. When I finally accepted that I am enough as I am, my life started changing for the better. When I stopped, I started. It is a big fear for lots of people that if they slow down, rest or stop then everything will crash down. You do have to experience it for yourself but I can tell you honestly from my own experience that the opposite is so true. The more you stop, the more you can keep going and growing. It feels magical. It is magical but not magic. It is real, it is you. You are not different, you have just gone deeper. You have touched a depth in your soul that turns on a light so powerful it can never extinguish. If you feel like the light has gone, dimmed down then don’t look outward, go deeper within. Deeper within you.

For now I will leave you with this as I want to walk and reflect before I write more.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading my thoughts, supporting me in my journey and enabling me to support and inspire others.

With love as always

Sophie Marie x

Good Karma

Be thankful, Belief, Faith, Freedom, Good karma, Growth, Helping, Helping others, Hope, Inspire, Kindness, Learning, Letting go, Pass it on, Self love, Share the love, Share yourself, Small steps, Spirituality, writing

Hi, how are you all. I have finally got my laptop fixed and so I am back writing after a while. Unfortunately I am not one of those people that can happily type away on a mobile. I am old school and I have to feel the touch of the keyboard, it is how I write and how I can maintain my flow. It feels good already. I always feel even closer to myself when I write and there is no better feeling. There is so much that I want to write about however rather than overwhelm myself I will practice what I preach and take it one step at a time, one blog at a time.

I want this first piece to be about karma however not the negative kind. Good karma and I would like to talk about how life and the universe is coming together with me and revealing itself. There is a lot to discuss so bear with me as I do like to go around the houses to tell a story. Hey, its what makes me me and I am good with it. There is a faith that I believe is missing with lots of people, I used to be one of them. Now when I say I used to be one of them, I mean I was always positive however at times of extreme difficulty I have not always possessed the ability to just simply have faith and believe that everything will turn out ok, turn out as it is supposed to. Until this year. Life really changed forever. I know I have experienced that many times, many different periods of growth, changes and increases of confidence and self esteem. This is different. This is real, genuine and certainly life changing and something so important that I want to share with you all.

I have written about this a couple of times however I know this will be something that will keep coming in to my blogs as it is so profound and so intrinsically part of my life now, part of me. This is spirituality, being at one with the world, with nature, with the universe rather than feeling like you are separate, alone and disconnected. Now I am no way a master on this, I know what I know based on my own experience of it and how I feel the world around me. I understand more now since I was drawn to reading and through my spiritual reading across different areas which also is an instrinsic part of who I am. Reading now also makes me feel more alive, more connected. I will keep doing what I am doing until I no longer enjoy it. I do not believe that you have to always keep at something just because you started it. Some things like some people are meant to come into your life for a period of time, everything does not and will not be forever and now I can happily say that I am at peace with this. I am sure in some areas this may not come as easy for me however I will take what I already know and feel and apply it to these other areas. I do not have to know everything and I do not need to know how things will turn out, if they will work out. I feel happy now to just do what I want, when I want with who I want. I don’t mean without a care in the world attitude, just having the freedom to be me in whatever way that is in the moment and being ok with that. I reiterate that I am no master of any of these and I do not have to be. Noone is a true master at anything, like no one is perfect. There will always be more to learn, more growth, more things to experience. You and I are ever evolving so we will never be a finished product. Why would we want to be? How boring would that be? To know everything already and have nothing left to learn. This is what I would equate to being a robot and I am not a robot.

I just realised that I have been writing away and I have not even mentioned good karma yet and that is ok. Writing, like life does not always go from one to 100 in a straight line, I may go up and down, to the side, high up then a few down or in whichever combination. It is what it is and I am what I am. I will get to it but for now I just want to write, to release, to speak and hopefully be heard. That is a new admission for me which I feel I need to stop at. This is where I would say (in my counselling work) “that sounds huge”. I feel it is. I am always listening. I like to talk when I feel comfortable to talk and with my friends this is easy however I still need to say outloud sometimes, anytime “I want to be heard”. “I want to be listened to and I want to be heard”. I have definitely got better in this area and will not just be quiet if a friend starts to talk when I am, I will assert myself and speak a bit louder. I used to get mad at conversations of this nature and with some people I have found it impossible. People are so wrapped up in themselves that they want to be listened to and they are however they do not then pass that back as mutual respect. I have started to think to myself after one of these conversations that I would love to say “it would be nice if you would now ask about me, what I am up to etc” This is really honest by me and in all of my years I have never said this outloud although I am accepting in myself that this is what I am feeling and thinking. If you have a conversation with someone in the street, at home, wherever and the other person gives you respect and time and space to talk a while and be listened to, please stop and think for a moment. Do not take advantage. Offer the same back. Ask them about themselves. They, I, may be a great listener but I would also like to be listened to. It is not about saying well Im not very good at listening, I think that’s a cop out. It is about the simple act of making someone else feel valid. We all want to feel validated by other people, it is innate.

If you feel like you have got something from someone, whether that be a simple but effective smile, a nice comment, a listening ear, someone asking you how you are or about your day please pass it on. If you feel like you received something, give something back. This is so valid across life in general. It is not our life, just for us as some people still think. We are all part of life. We are life and as such we need to look after it, to look after each other. Be there for one another. Now I guess I should talk about good karma or else I will have to change the title of this blog.

Since having the deep, inner belief that everything will work out and to let go and just allow life to be, the universe is really working with me. I went to Northumberland for half term and upon landing at Bardon Mill by train I realised that we were not in the right place I felt perhaps all my bus/train research had got a bit muddled. I needed to get to our YHA. There was a pub and nothing else. I went in to enquire and found out that to walk to the YHA would be a minimum of one hour, uphill and with a heavy rucksack, suitcase and my ten year old daughter in tow was a no no. After a lot of conversations with the lovely staff at the pub and another lady who said she would have driven us had she not been drinking already, one of the ladies working in the pub got her car and drove us to our hostel. From the moment I entered, I felt looked after and not alone. I had faith that we would get there and help came to hand. Whilst on the same trip, I was let off with money that I was short for the train and a free bus trip (the crazy AD122 bus journey,lets not go there). It was then that I felt more connected, not alone. I know for people it is really hard to believe that things will be ok, especially if they haven’t been for so long but trust me they will. Constantly hoping and praying it will be ok does not quite work the same. You have to learn to, as they say “let go and trust the process”. This is so true not just in counselling but in life. Once you surrender to what is and what will be, things seem to emerge in different ways. It is like the quote (sorry I don’t know the author of the quote) “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. So true. When you experience it for yourself you can say “I get it”. It all makes sense, it all slots together, naturally, organically the way it is supposed to.

I left my purse at home the other week and was stuck needing petrol to get me back home. No phone, no id, nothing. Whilst in the bank explaining my situation, hoping they would give me money without id, a lady came up to me and said “if they can’t give it to you, I will give you the money to get home”. I was really touched, she had heard my story. She heard me. Very powerful.

Thank you for all the people who think and feel that way and may they be a teacher to others who may not naturally be that way. We can all learn from each other. We just have to listen…..

With much love and hope

Sophie Marie xx

Helping others

Art, Belief, domestic abuse, Expressions of art, Faith, Growth, Helping, Helping others, Hope, Inspirational cycle, Inspire, Kindness, Nature, Reconnecting, Share yourself, support, writing

Hi all, it’s good to be here. I hope you are all keeping well and if you are currently being challenged as I am then I hope you have some support to keep you on your path.

I think I have a previous post about this however my desire to help people just keeps growing stronger. I support children, teenagers and adults in my work as a mental health counsellor which I love. This is a different kind of desire. This comes from deep down, deep within my soul. When I am going through challenges in my life, my opportunity for growth, this is when the desire burns stronger. I spoke to a lovely friend of mine the other day about my ideas for helping support more people. When I told her some of my ideas she said how kind and selfless they were. I know this was a compliment, however I actually disagree slightly in that on some level I feel that helping in these extra ways will help me also and so can not be purely selfless. I guess the difference now is that I am not trying to make myself ‘feel better’. I just empathise with people and their challenges, especially when those challenges leave you feeling isolated. This is a feeling I have had many times and I know how hard it is. I also now know that reaching out to others is a way of connecting. There is a deeper will to want people to know that by offering what you can, a simple message of encouragement or small token that ‘you are not alone’.

To feel this compassion from people is a feeling that can not be replicated. At Christmas time, my daughter and I were invited to an event held by Harv (domestic abuse charity) where we were shown all the donations that people had left for Christmas presents. It was very emotional for me as it was a very powerful message that people who had never met you wanted you to know that they care, you are in their thoughts and to remind you that you are not alone. There is no greater feeling.

The truth is, no one is alone. We are all connected to one another, to nature, to our universe. We either do not realise this yet or we have become detached, disconnected. The good news is that we can all connect again. Disconnection is temporary and in a way not even real. It is more of a perceived feeling as we can never truly be disconnected to who we are at our core and if we keep that with us always this will always keep us going. I feel the need to reiterate this as it is a very powerful statement. “We can never be disconnected from our core. If we keep that with us always, this will always keep us going”. I love this.

I can feel the flow more now in my words. Sometimes it takes time for the flow, sometimes it comes immediately. I just remember that it comes when it is ready, when I settle into myself and into my thoughts. When I am in the moment, in the here and now and being mindful. I can only be me now.

I just remembered what I started my post about and that was helping others. I am reading a book I got from a charity book shop in Hexham about compassion and it really is helping me cement my desire to help in a bigger way than I currently am. I know there is something a lot bigger in me and the ideas and thoughts are all coming to the forefront. I need to collect all of my ideas and put them together in the best way to showcase empathy, compassion and a willingness to support. I know I will use my art within this as art has got me to where I am now. Art was a huge influence for me. Art helped me to connect to my feelings and to reconnect with myself. Art helped save my life and I owe a lot to the arts.

I am going to put together an inspiration board to collate my ideas and thoughts and see how I can best put forward my plan. I want to show what can be done in your local community, how every little helps and how if we all share a bit of ourselves then we can all make this a better world for us all.

With hope and healing

Sophie Marie xx

From Me to You

Embrace true self, Faith, Follow own path, Growth, Happiness, Never give up, Self love, Transformation, Vulnerability, writing

Hi all,

I hope you are all well. I am back home now and feeling great to be back. I joke as I say this as when I say home I mean back to writing which is part of my home. As I said in my earlier post I have been busy with helping support more clients in my work as a mental health counsellor, following my spiritual path, getting our home even more organised and generally busy enjoying myself.

As I look back, especially in the last year I reflect on how much I have grown psychologically and spiritually. As I always say, nothing has happened overnight or from a flash of magic. It is the result of continuously working with myself and for myself. It is no longer about knowing what I need to do, it is just a natural, organic process of simply flowing with what is coming into my life and being open to everything.

I welcome the challenges. I know from experience that it is in these challenges that I show myself and the world what I am capable of. I can utilise not only my skills and strengths but my immer strength.

To quote a lovely lady that I met today “you are a strong character” and “resilient” and yes I take the compliments thank you. She really sees me as a person and how regardless of what is thrown at me or put into my path I deal with it, learn from it and help to empower others by doing so. I know my spiritual path has now brought me to another strong place and that is that I am ready to say thank you. Thank you to the people that throw things in my path, try and knock me of my path and anything else supposedly negative against me.

The difference is where I am at in terms of my own inner being, my own core, me and I am in a beautiful place. The beauty being the beauty of my soul. The soul is a place deep within, the real essence of who you are and in reality you. The best way for me to explain where I am going with this is to share a story of years ago. I remember, when writing my book one day saying that however much people try and hurt me, no matter what they do they can never destroy my spirit. I wrote that back then however it is only recently that I really understand the magnitude of that statement.

In simple terms, what people try and put on you or throw at you is just on the surface. Although you are hurt, upset, sometimes traumatised the pain can only go so deep. Even when the pain feels unbearable you do bear it and you do deal with it and you do move on. This is because the true depth of who you are, at the deepest level, at your core, your soul, your spirit is pure and this can never be destroyed.

I was just looking for a quote from “The power of now” by Ekhart Tolle however it is in my other bag so I will put this in another post. In my work as a counsellor I never will accept when a client or anyone says they are broken. I accept this is how they may feel however there is a negative connotation with this in so much as saying “I am broken, hence I can not be fixed, hence I am nothing”. No one is nothing and I write this with a reflective mind as I once believed that I was exactly this. Looking back only now do I realise that I couldn’t possibly have been nothing despite this being how I felt as in order to have been nothing I could now not be me. Woah, I know this sounds deep but it is not as difficult to comprehend as you may initially think. You can not be nothing and something at the same time. Nothing can not suddenly turn into something. This is impossible and so it makes sense that although feelings of this magnitude are valid and real in the moment you can never, ever be nothing. Your spirit, your soul can never be destroyed so there will as always be a something within you and a giant something.

There will always be you and there will always be me and nobody and nothing can ever take you away from you. Even if you can not feel or believe this right now, you will.

I was called a survivor today and I wouldn’t take it on board. The lady I met with said that I was a victim and now I am a survivor. I said firm and proud “no”. I was a victim, I was a survivor and now I am me.

From me to you with tons of love

Always

Sophie Marie

Following my creative path

Creative path, Creativity, Embrace true self, Follow own path
Words to live by

Nothing has been so true recently as the statement “when you know you know”. I have just spent a lovely couple of hours with a friend for lunch and cake (obviously). I felt so confident talking about my life now and how you know when your life is going in the right direction. It felt so warming for me to be excited talking about all the work that I am doing on my website. Despite the struggles with technology, I never give up as I know I will get where I want to go. When you are doing something out of your comfort zone like me and computers it is hard. The sense of pride and achievement I feel cracking new things every day and learning from each experience is fantastic and one which I do not ever want to stop.

I spoke today about how my brain works and how I think and perceive the world. My emotions and feelings are at the forefront of everything that I do and believe in. I realise now that my feelings of not fitting in, being different were because I was trying to live in the world rather than living in my world. I often fought between the two as I was always trying to come out which was really hard at times. I did feel different and I know I am different however I now embrace that. I know for lots of people who view the world in their creative way are perceived as different and there is a negative surrounding this. I know now that being different for is simply being me and there is no greater, enriching experience.

You have to take the leap of faith to take an unknown path. Only then will you know whether the road is the right one for you. How do you know? Simple. You just do. It just feels right. Everything that you do feels natural and honest and pure. You feel scared and excited at the same time. You get excited by what is yet to come. You want to live your art every single second of the day because it is so fulfilling. Your life fills you up, with goodness. You feel wholesome. You feel love. Love within and love all around. You light up when you talk about your life and you know this because you feel it within. You can see yourself shining bright and you want to spread that feeling, share that with others.

For many years of my life I hid myself away, scared and alone. It was what I learnt to do, to retreat to my inner world. This was how I felt safe. My inner world was my sanctuary and still is, only in a different way. Before, I did not want anyone to come near my world let alone come in. My experiences taught me that people would take something from me, take me from me if I let them in. I was not prepared to let that happen. I have grown and developed so much. By accepting who I am at my core and embracing myself, I am able to understand that people can only take from me if I let them. They can try but they will not succeed.

From hiding to learning to connect with people. I now want to share my whole self with all of my friends and others. I can not be any other way. I do not try and be something or someone that I am not. This does not fit with me anymore. I can not fake it. I can only be me and I only want to be me. I am truly blessed that I am at this level of connection with myself. I want to share not just my story but my whole life with you. I want this to be a lifelong relationship and I know it will be.

I have been busy organising my portfolio with images of my art pieces. It has been challenging however I am now happy with the display that I have chosen and how I want to move forward with my site. I have a payment facility on my site and I am working on the descriptions of my pieces so that I can share my journey through each adventure with you. I was so scared to put anything out there, me out there and look at me now. I have an art/creative website that I am building from scratch with love and passion. I am learning and growing every day and with that my site is growing and developing. My site is personal to me and upholds my vision and standards as an artist, as me. I have control over what I do or do not do. I always want to do and be more. I want to be the best that I can be in any given moment and grow more creatively.

I know there is so much more inside of me. I probably haven’t touched the surface yet. It is so exciting to think what else there is. I can’t wait to experiment and work on bringing other things to the forefront. I am looking forward to working on new ideas that will help me progress in the work that I am doing. My friend is going to teach me how to use a sewing machine in a week or so which I am so excited about. I know there will be moments of wanting to tear my hair out as it is another new skill to learn from scratch. I want to use these new skills to express my creativity in another way. #bringiton

I could write all day and I may come back to you later this evening. For now, I have time with my daughter. Lots of extra hugs and kisses for her superb achievement in persuasive writing in school. #veryproudasalways

Until later

Sophie Marie xx