Supporting others through Domestic Abuse

support

It has been a week since I wrote. I am not happy about this. I am busy helping my daughter with has taken me away from my site, probably away from myself. I spoke to a children’s organisation the other day and I broke down saying I was trying so hard to keep strong. This very helpful and supportive lady told me that part of being strong is sometimes having a good cry. I cry as I write this, sat in a coffee shop and aware of how powerful domestic abuse is. At the moment it is hard and I cry, I feel sad.

The added anguish that goes along with this is that I started to worry about what I should write, not write. For the first time since I set up my website (for me and all of you) I questioned myself and was almost thinking about filtering myself. I knew what was happening. I was reverting back to being scared of simply being myself and no more. I reiterate again and again to myself and anyone that needs to hear this. It is my (your) site, my (your) life and we can do and say what we want.

We have a voice and I have had my week of silence, no more. The goal of my website was so that I could connect with people through my writing and my art and hopefully inspire people to speak out, to be themselves, to use their voice.

I was given a voice and I am not afraid to use it. I have been busy this week talking to various agencies and charities to get help and support again for myself and my daughter. Thankfully, all of the people I have spoken to have been incredibly supportive and helped in the right way. I have a few, difficult jobs that I need to do this weekend however I know deep in my heart it is the right thing to do. I will not be bullied or threatened by anyone. Been there, done that, worn way too many t-shirts.

We are not here to play games with people, especially not games that we never asked to play. We are not here to live life the way someone else wants us too. We are not here to witness abuse and not do anything about it. We need to all help one another to use our voices to speak out, to tell our story, to make a stand and say abusers need to be held accountable for their actions.

I know I have spoken on a previous blog about how strongly I feel about the laws for emotional abuse to be changed and all of this is just propelling me forward with this. I will tell many people about my story, my life, and I hope you will feel able to do the same.

It is like anything, it is hard for one person to fight for something. It is much easier to all stand together and say no. This is not acceptable. This has to stop. We should not have to be dealing with this again.

May we all fight together.

May we feel the fear and do it anyway.

Do not let anyone take your voice.

Do not hide.

Get support for yourself and your children and pass it on.

We all need the help and support.

Share helpful information and supportive organisations.

Share supportive charities.

I will share my own list (from my local area) that I have found useful and supportive through personal and professional experience.

As I write again I feel more connected. I am not withdrawing or hibernating. I am still standing strong. I can be sad and strong. I can be a myriad of emotion because I am me.

I am me. I will not apologise for this. I will embrace being me.

Embrace who you are and how brave and strong you are even when you do not feel like you are. To experience any domestic abuse you are all of these and so much more.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are a role model.

You are loveable.

You are beautiful.

You have not done anything wrong.

You have a voice.

You are allowed to use your voice.

YOU ARE INCREDIBLE xxxxxx

If you need a hug I am sending you the biggest, warmest hug.

You will get through this because you are you and you can do this.

Gather your support network and use it often.

Sit in a coffee shop, even if you are on your own. Keep around people, it does not matter if you do not know them. It is about keeping social.

It is self protection. It is looking after yourself.

You deserve it. However many times someone has told you the opposite or something negative, tell yourself the opposite and/or something nice double or treble the amount. If you don’t believe it yet do it anyway and it will come in time.

Please feel free to comment or reach out. There is always someone to listen.

I thank myself for my courage, for never giving up and for being back writing. I believe in you to do the same.

With so much love and support

Sophie Marie xx

Never, ever give up

Belief, Emotional abuse, Hope, Inspire, Motivation, Never give up

It has been a challenging couple of days, mainly with the disbelief of some people’s comments. Like anything in life, when you need to talk about a certain issue or challenges that you are facing, there are the people who make you feel worse than you did originally and those that listen with empathy and understanding, giving you the reassurance that you need. I have been talking for a while about how strongly I feel about how more change is needed with the laws or lack of laws on emotional abuse. A change always starts with one person, one thought, one dream, one vision. No great change in the law or society was ever achieved with people constantly talking and never actually doing anything. People have heard me, heard my passion for this and I truly feel in my heart and soul that this is something that I am getting involved with. I do not need to know all of the details right now, I didn’t know how to set up a website and here I am and learning along the way. The most powerful lesson that I learnt recently is that you just have to start. Everything else is a bonus and everything else will fall into place with each step that you make.

You do not have to know all of the details before you start, you just have to start.

You do not need to know how you will achieve each step as you will learn this as you go along.

Your commitment and ultimately the passion that you hold so deeply inside will always be the driving force, it will always keep you going as this is your life blood which will never die. If you believe in something enough, you can do it. I am not saying I know the outcome of anything right now however in a way I do not care as I have the belief, I have my own belief and that of everyone in the world that in 2018 we all should be able to live without emotional abuse and that comments like “it’s just the way it is” is utter crap. One of the biggest things I say to my clients is “just because it has always been that way doesn’t mean it always has to”.

“Just because it has always been that way doesn’t mean it always has to”.

I know when I feel so strongly about something, so full of passion for something that I have to do it and I will do it, however long it takes. I wanted to have a career not a job and I made that my reality and studied to be a counsellor to fulfil my dream. I wanted my own counselling practice and I have it. I wanted to write and I write, I am writing a book and I am writing now on my own website and blog. I wanted to express myself and I do with everything that I do. I wanted to put myself out there for me and for everyone, to help and inspire and support and hopefully to make positive changes in the world. I hope I am achieving this. I wanted to paint and I paint. I wanted to create and I create. I wanted to start putting my art work out for people to see and to hopefully be inspired and have hope in achieving what you want in life. Working hard, believing in yourself and your vision(s), using the challenges you have experienced as positive tools to get you further to where you want to be.

Passion. Vision. Belief. Dedication. Hard work. Never, ever giving up. Ever. Ever. Ever.

When the going gets tough as it inevitably will, reach out for help and support. If this person doesn’t give you what you need or it is counterproductive for you then use that disappointment to propel you forward to someone else, something else that will help. You may feel like giving up at this point, when you feel like no one understands however what I have learnt is there will always be someone who understands and will help, you have just got to keep asking and reaching out. It is these negative experiences that are helping you, they are not the hindrance that you think they are. They are set up as a different kind of stepping stone, one that is loose and trips you up. It is by tripping that you come to realise the importance of what you are doing and how this has made you feel. It is giving you the emotion that you need to say “no that is not good enough”. If they don’t help, try someone else. It is like testing your commitment to your goals. If you stop at the first hurdle or loose stepping stone did you really want it in the first place? If you do have to stop, stop but just for a while until you get back on solid ground and find your footing again then put one foot after the other and go again. You will always have more strength, your strength is abundant. You just have to keep passing these little tests, step by step, minute by minute and they will all add up until one day you look back and say “wow, I did all that”. You can and you will.

Please do not feel that you are alone, there will always be people on your side, championing you and what you want to do, encouraging you to carry on, reminding you how strong you are and if you can not see them right now be that person for yourself and the rest will follow in time.

“Good things come to those that wait. The best things come to those that wait the longest”. Sophie Marie

 

Keep strong always, much love

 

Sophie Marie x