It has been a week since I wrote. I am not happy about this. I am busy helping my daughter with has taken me away from my site, probably away from myself. I spoke to a children’s organisation the other day and I broke down saying I was trying so hard to keep strong. This very helpful and supportive lady told me that part of being strong is sometimes having a good cry. I cry as I write this, sat in a coffee shop and aware of how powerful domestic abuse is. At the moment it is hard and I cry, I feel sad.
The added anguish that goes along with this is that I started to worry about what I should write, not write. For the first time since I set up my website (for me and all of you) I questioned myself and was almost thinking about filtering myself. I knew what was happening. I was reverting back to being scared of simply being myself and no more. I reiterate again and again to myself and anyone that needs to hear this. It is my (your) site, my (your) life and we can do and say what we want.
We have a voice and I have had my week of silence, no more. The goal of my website was so that I could connect with people through my writing and my art and hopefully inspire people to speak out, to be themselves, to use their voice.
I was given a voice and I am not afraid to use it. I have been busy this week talking to various agencies and charities to get help and support again for myself and my daughter. Thankfully, all of the people I have spoken to have been incredibly supportive and helped in the right way. I have a few, difficult jobs that I need to do this weekend however I know deep in my heart it is the right thing to do. I will not be bullied or threatened by anyone. Been there, done that, worn way too many t-shirts.
We are not here to play games with people, especially not games that we never asked to play. We are not here to live life the way someone else wants us too. We are not here to witness abuse and not do anything about it. We need to all help one another to use our voices to speak out, to tell our story, to make a stand and say abusers need to be held accountable for their actions.
I know I have spoken on a previous blog about how strongly I feel about the laws for emotional abuse to be changed and all of this is just propelling me forward with this. I will tell many people about my story, my life, and I hope you will feel able to do the same.
It is like anything, it is hard for one person to fight for something. It is much easier to all stand together and say no. This is not acceptable. This has to stop. We should not have to be dealing with this again.
May we all fight together.
May we feel the fear and do it anyway.
Do not let anyone take your voice.
Do not hide.
Get support for yourself and your children and pass it on.
We all need the help and support.
Share helpful information and supportive organisations.
Share supportive charities.
I will share my own list (from my local area) that I have found useful and supportive through personal and professional experience.
As I write again I feel more connected. I am not withdrawing or hibernating. I am still standing strong. I can be sad and strong. I can be a myriad of emotion because I am me.
I am me. I will not apologise for this. I will embrace being me.
Embrace who you are and how brave and strong you are even when you do not feel like you are. To experience any domestic abuse you are all of these and so much more.
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are a role model.
You are loveable.
You are beautiful.
You have not done anything wrong.
You have a voice.
You are allowed to use your voice.
YOU ARE INCREDIBLE xxxxxx
If you need a hug I am sending you the biggest, warmest hug.
You will get through this because you are you and you can do this.
Gather your support network and use it often.
Sit in a coffee shop, even if you are on your own. Keep around people, it does not matter if you do not know them. It is about keeping social.
It is self protection. It is looking after yourself.
You deserve it. However many times someone has told you the opposite or something negative, tell yourself the opposite and/or something nice double or treble the amount. If you don’t believe it yet do it anyway and it will come in time.
Please feel free to comment or reach out. There is always someone to listen.
I thank myself for my courage, for never giving up and for being back writing. I believe in you to do the same.
With so much love and support
Sophie Marie xx