Nothing has been so true recently as the statement “when you know you know”. I have just spent a lovely couple of hours with a friend for lunch and cake (obviously). I felt so confident talking about my life now and how you know when your life is going in the right direction. It felt so warming for me to be excited talking about all the work that I am doing on my website. Despite the struggles with technology, I never give up as I know I will get where I want to go. When you are doing something out of your comfort zone like me and computers it is hard. The sense of pride and achievement I feel cracking new things every day and learning from each experience is fantastic and one which I do not ever want to stop.
I spoke today about how my brain works and how I think and perceive the world. My emotions and feelings are at the forefront of everything that I do and believe in. I realise now that my feelings of not fitting in, being different were because I was trying to live in the world rather than living in my world. I often fought between the two as I was always trying to come out which was really hard at times. I did feel different and I know I am different however I now embrace that. I know for lots of people who view the world in their creative way are perceived as different and there is a negative surrounding this. I know now that being different for is simply being me and there is no greater, enriching experience.
You have to take the leap of faith to take an unknown path. Only then will you know whether the road is the right one for you. How do you know? Simple. You just do. It just feels right. Everything that you do feels natural and honest and pure. You feel scared and excited at the same time. You get excited by what is yet to come. You want to live your art every single second of the day because it is so fulfilling. Your life fills you up, with goodness. You feel wholesome. You feel love. Love within and love all around. You light up when you talk about your life and you know this because you feel it within. You can see yourself shining bright and you want to spread that feeling, share that with others.
For many years of my life I hid myself away, scared and alone. It was what I learnt to do, to retreat to my inner world. This was how I felt safe. My inner world was my sanctuary and still is, only in a different way. Before, I did not want anyone to come near my world let alone come in. My experiences taught me that people would take something from me, take me from me if I let them in. I was not prepared to let that happen. I have grown and developed so much. By accepting who I am at my core and embracing myself, I am able to understand that people can only take from me if I let them. They can try but they will not succeed.
From hiding to learning to connect with people. I now want to share my whole self with all of my friends and others. I can not be any other way. I do not try and be something or someone that I am not. This does not fit with me anymore. I can not fake it. I can only be me and I only want to be me. I am truly blessed that I am at this level of connection with myself. I want to share not just my story but my whole life with you. I want this to be a lifelong relationship and I know it will be.
I have been busy organising my portfolio with images of my art pieces. It has been challenging however I am now happy with the display that I have chosen and how I want to move forward with my site. I have a payment facility on my site and I am working on the descriptions of my pieces so that I can share my journey through each adventure with you. I was so scared to put anything out there, me out there and look at me now. I have an art/creative website that I am building from scratch with love and passion. I am learning and growing every day and with that my site is growing and developing. My site is personal to me and upholds my vision and standards as an artist, as me. I have control over what I do or do not do. I always want to do and be more. I want to be the best that I can be in any given moment and grow more creatively.
I know there is so much more inside of me. I probably haven’t touched the surface yet. It is so exciting to think what else there is. I can’t wait to experiment and work on bringing other things to the forefront. I am looking forward to working on new ideas that will help me progress in the work that I am doing. My friend is going to teach me how to use a sewing machine in a week or so which I am so excited about. I know there will be moments of wanting to tear my hair out as it is another new skill to learn from scratch. I want to use these new skills to express my creativity in another way. #bringiton
I could write all day and I may come back to you later this evening. For now, I have time with my daughter. Lots of extra hugs and kisses for her superb achievement in persuasive writing in school. #veryproudasalways
Sophie Marie xx