Following my creative path

Creative path, Creativity, Embrace true self, Follow own path
Words to live by

Nothing has been so true recently as the statement “when you know you know”. I have just spent a lovely couple of hours with a friend for lunch and cake (obviously). I felt so confident talking about my life now and how you know when your life is going in the right direction. It felt so warming for me to be excited talking about all the work that I am doing on my website. Despite the struggles with technology, I never give up as I know I will get where I want to go. When you are doing something out of your comfort zone like me and computers it is hard. The sense of pride and achievement I feel cracking new things every day and learning from each experience is fantastic and one which I do not ever want to stop.

I spoke today about how my brain works and how I think and perceive the world. My emotions and feelings are at the forefront of everything that I do and believe in. I realise now that my feelings of not fitting in, being different were because I was trying to live in the world rather than living in my world. I often fought between the two as I was always trying to come out which was really hard at times. I did feel different and I know I am different however I now embrace that. I know for lots of people who view the world in their creative way are perceived as different and there is a negative surrounding this. I know now that being different for is simply being me and there is no greater, enriching experience.

You have to take the leap of faith to take an unknown path. Only then will you know whether the road is the right one for you. How do you know? Simple. You just do. It just feels right. Everything that you do feels natural and honest and pure. You feel scared and excited at the same time. You get excited by what is yet to come. You want to live your art every single second of the day because it is so fulfilling. Your life fills you up, with goodness. You feel wholesome. You feel love. Love within and love all around. You light up when you talk about your life and you know this because you feel it within. You can see yourself shining bright and you want to spread that feeling, share that with others.

For many years of my life I hid myself away, scared and alone. It was what I learnt to do, to retreat to my inner world. This was how I felt safe. My inner world was my sanctuary and still is, only in a different way. Before, I did not want anyone to come near my world let alone come in. My experiences taught me that people would take something from me, take me from me if I let them in. I was not prepared to let that happen. I have grown and developed so much. By accepting who I am at my core and embracing myself, I am able to understand that people can only take from me if I let them. They can try but they will not succeed.

From hiding to learning to connect with people. I now want to share my whole self with all of my friends and others. I can not be any other way. I do not try and be something or someone that I am not. This does not fit with me anymore. I can not fake it. I can only be me and I only want to be me. I am truly blessed that I am at this level of connection with myself. I want to share not just my story but my whole life with you. I want this to be a lifelong relationship and I know it will be.

I have been busy organising my portfolio with images of my art pieces. It has been challenging however I am now happy with the display that I have chosen and how I want to move forward with my site. I have a payment facility on my site and I am working on the descriptions of my pieces so that I can share my journey through each adventure with you. I was so scared to put anything out there, me out there and look at me now. I have an art/creative website that I am building from scratch with love and passion. I am learning and growing every day and with that my site is growing and developing. My site is personal to me and upholds my vision and standards as an artist, as me. I have control over what I do or do not do. I always want to do and be more. I want to be the best that I can be in any given moment and grow more creatively.

I know there is so much more inside of me. I probably haven’t touched the surface yet. It is so exciting to think what else there is. I can’t wait to experiment and work on bringing other things to the forefront. I am looking forward to working on new ideas that will help me progress in the work that I am doing. My friend is going to teach me how to use a sewing machine in a week or so which I am so excited about. I know there will be moments of wanting to tear my hair out as it is another new skill to learn from scratch. I want to use these new skills to express my creativity in another way. #bringiton

I could write all day and I may come back to you later this evening. For now, I have time with my daughter. Lots of extra hugs and kisses for her superb achievement in persuasive writing in school. #veryproudasalways

Until later

Sophie Marie xx

Letting go to reach a higher level of being

Creative brain, Growth, Letting go, Organisation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Stuck, writing

How many different emotions have you experienced since yesterday? Me, tons and I am currently feeling a variety of things which is causing some discomfort. I think the biggest feeling washing over me right now is that of something being stuck in me that I want to rid myself of. Sounds weird I know but try and stay with me as I try and stay with myself. My brain is amazing, well I think so and it is also annoying. I have always told people that for me my brain is a blessing and a curse (I am sure all you creative individuals are with me on that one).

To have a brain that will not just settle for the standard, the everyday sort of thoughts. Hell no, my brain is so active today that I have worked so hard already and also have not done one simple thing. Are you still with me? What I mean by this is that I have thought about a million different ideas, creative thoughts, what I want to do, what I need to do, what I need to get out of my head, how I need (or is it want or both) to make my site look even more professional. Aargh. Too much.

I have had a very creative week with new pieces of art, more interior styling and decorating in my house, new creative ideas and now I am at the too many thoughts I can’t focus stage which I know every creative feels and probably hates. It is an infuriating stage, you get fed up with yourself, I feel like I am working so hard but not getting anywhere at all and so I try harder to no avail. This is when I hear the words “stop” screaming out at myself. I need to practice what I preach and just stop.

I felt a familiar feeling today which is when I feel like there is loads of stuff inside me, screaming to be let out but for some reason I keep it in and it pushes harder and screams louder at me. Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.

I took this today that I need to write and here I am. It is a feeling that there are lots of things inside me that need to come out and at the time I theredo not know how they need to come out, just that they need to come out. I feel stifled, untidy, there is a feeling of dirtiness like I need to get more organising done. I know it is all psychological as I know my mind and my body and how it talks to me or tries to talk to me.

For a few weeks I have felt that I am moving on to another level again, moving further up. When this happens it is as though there is a mountain of junk built up that needs to be disposed of. In reality this is not the case as my home (apart from my washing up that needs doing) is tidy, organised and is extremely clean and fresh after I spent the weekend cleaning and creating equilibrium. I get a rush of feelings where I feel the need to dispose of things. As I get to a new level in my personal development, there are things that are then just hanging around, flapping about loose, just getting in the way, tripping me up and needing to go. I can’t simply tip myself upside down and shake the redundant out of me, however that would be so much simpler. For me that equates to “ooh what can I get rid of”.

It is my minds way of telling me that I have reached a newer state of being and I need to let go of emotions/feelings/times/experiences that are no longer serving me and are literally tripping me up. Around this time there is a state of unease, it is uncomfortable but necessary. I am aware that not everyone will experience it like me as I am unique to my own path. I am sure people that continually work on their own being, their own self development, in a constant state of evolving will experience similarities.

The uncomfortable feeling is one where I want to cry a bit and scream. The tears are not of sadness, more of frustration and as I type more I let out a massive sigh. Ooh, that feels better. I feel easier in myself, freer so I know what I needed and by giving that to myself I am able to help myself which in turn gives me my power back.

Having a creative mind and the personality type that I have (INFP) in case you were wondering I am always at great depth. For some people they may see this as me being lost in my own world and there is often a negative connotation with that. People say that to children a lot like being in their own world is a bad thing. Why is being in your own world bad? Who else’s world should you and I be in?

It is easy for people to understand what is in front of them, what is known to them, what they can easily follow however the unknown to anyone is difficult. We need to see greatness in difference, greatness in the unknown as well as fear. It is only when you are willing and or brave enough to enter the unknown that you start to change, to grow and to feel more. Until you know me better, I am all about the feelings. I live at great depth, with great soul and I connect with nature, communication and anything and everything that is real, honest and alive. This is how my world is. I can not be myself and operate on a superficial level as this is not my level. For some this is too much and this is fine. For others they find this interesting, intriguing. For the remaining few where are you? I need to connect. I need to be me and so I write, I create and this is how I interact with the world and myself.

The more I write and follow my creative path the more I have to continue. You know it is your life path as it is not only a want but more strongly a need. Like needing air to breathe. Creativity is my oxygen. To have the ability to express myself in numerous creative ways is a blessing. For all the struggles it creates, I would not change me for a moment. I am as always truly blessed for every part of me and my life and my brain. It is creativity that brings life to the world. I don’t choose to exist in the world, I choose to live. Do you?

With much love and kindness

Sophie Marie x