I am aware of the harsh title of this blog however it is time to start living your life now. We have all done it and said it, many times. “When I get a better job I will be sorted”. “When I lose weight life will be great”. This place, this time, this “when” is now and can only ever be now. We are not alive in the past nor in the future. If either of these places is how you travel through your life then stop and reflect on where you are going. It is only by being right here in this very moment and connecting with now that you touch ‘alive’. You touch life.
Reaching this level of consciousness, this level of awareness requires visiting some dark places. I am not going to lie and say this is easy however I know for a fact that it is never as bad as how you imagined it to be. The unknown always appears larger than it actually is. Getting to the point of knowing that something has to change, you have to change brings every emotion out of the woodwork.
There is a knowing deep inside of you that is calling you. It is not scientific or magical in that sense. It is something very beautiful. It is you.
Your true self, your younger self, your innocent self wants to meet up. You want to connect. You need to connect. Without connection there is a disconnect. With disconnection there is separation. With separation you are alone.
We all know that you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. It is a horrific feeling at times. Somewhere along the journey of your life you left a part(s) of yourself and they are missing you. They have been trying to tell you for a long time but you have not been listening. When you didn’t listen I cried. I still needed you so I tried to get your attention in different ways. When I shouted at you I hurt you. I am not sorry. I did that out of love, for you. I love you and I just wouldn’t stop trying to tell you until you heard me. That is what real love is. It is not flowers and chocolates. It is not dishonesty. It is honest and brave and relentless. It will never give up on you. You are just not listening, not open. You need to be open to receive. Open your heart to love. Open your heart to you.
Sophie Marie x
Yesterday was another productive day however more challenging as I was tired. I saw it as a challenge in order to test my commitment to my own vision and I am pleased to say I passed. Finally, the wood cladding (hated it) on the sides of the stairs has been painted the same deep purple colour as the walls and wow it looks awesome. I did think that due to the darkness and depth of colour, that it would somehow hide the fact that it was cladding and it definitely has. In fact, it shows off the side of the stairs (still the other side left to do) in a new light and I now have a new appreciation for it.
What I have found in interiors, as in life, is not to cover up what you do not like or what you think does not work. My example here is our living room. It is a naturally dark room which is not always ideal, always having to put the light on. I decided that instead of doing what everyone suggested and painting the walls light as to make the room look bigger, I would utilise the darkness and extend the deep, opulent colour. This now brings out the beauty in the darkness and enhances the overall aesthetic and feel.
It is using what you have (even if at first you see it as a negative) and bringing out the true beauty in it. It is these so called negative aspects that once explored and accepted can be embraced and this is where the real magic happens. This is when new life is born. There is a vulnerability here, a delicate touch, an almost sheer fabric. It is on the cusp of life and death. To see and feel at this level of emotion is a blessing, an almost out of body experience.
It is at this level that my writing shows more depth. I can feel it when it happens, my brain is not just spouting words but the words start to take on more body. The words take on emotion and come to life. This is relational depth however with myself not another and in turn with you, I hope you feel it too.
Sometimes I just have to write and the deeper part of me starts to emerge, the deeper part being my vulnerability. I embrace my vulnerability now, in contrast to when I first started my counselling diploma when I could not even say the words out loud. I connect with others vulnerability as it is in those parts that true life can emerge. True feeling is spoken and felt and encompassed, a real exchange.
If I show you my heart will you show me yours?
Sophie Marie x