Seeing light at the end of the tunnel

Baby steps, Beauty, Embrace true self, enge, Fear, Follow own path, Good enough, Growth, Interior design, Life, Light, Organisation, Patience, Small steps, Uncategorized, Unique, Write

Hi all, I wanted to write today about the importance and effectiveness of baby steps and slowly chipping away at a job/project. I have been working on our home since we moved in over three years ago. I remember having so many creative ideas, my creative juices were not just flowing they were overflowing. I knew, or thought I knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it to be done. I also fell foul to my impatience. A heady mix of enthusiasm, passion and excitement rolled up in a large blanket of impatience. The truth is, we are all impatient at times. Some people decide they want to lose weight and are disillusioned when they don’t lose what they want to by a given time. Others decide to take on a project and wonder what is wrong with them when they don’t achieve certain results in a timely manner. We are all guilty of wanting quick results, a faster turnaround or set ourselves unrealistic goals which all inevitably fail. People like to see what they want and with this they only see the end result and how to get there in the least amount of time. This method, although may work in some areas temporarily, only serve to end in disappointment as it doesn’t have long standing sustainability.

People are lazy. I don’t mean to sound harsh but it is true. People like instant gratification. When it doesn’t happen the result is blame. We blame ourselves and judge ourselves harshly or we blame someone else for our lack of progress. The truth is, long lasting results can only be achieved with a long standing method. Sounds simple. In theory yes so why do so many people still do it. Why do we set ourselves up for a fall. Why do we think getting something quick is the best way, a good way. Do we think we are more intelligent if we do it quicker or are we trying to prove something to someone else. If we get there before others, does this mean we are better, more worthy. No. If you want to be quicker, there will always be someone before you that has already done it quicker. It follows the same lines of there will always be someone smarter, thinner, taller, than you. If you think of it in this context you will never win. In this way, there is always someone else involved and when we try and compete, be better we are basically saying that we alone are not good enough. I am not saying do not have goals or strive to be more, just use yourself as the goal and build your own scale of progress.

Despite living in the same world, we were born with unique skills and capabilities. We need to use these and learn to understand that life was not created to follow a path. You were given life. You are unique and as such you need to learn that your life is also unique. Society tells us that we go to school then college, university, get a great job, get married, have a child and all in that order. When life doesn’t go exactly this way people wonder what is wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you. You may be just following the wrong path. Your path may not go in that order or even have those aspects within it. People like to know what they are doing and where they are going. They do not like the unknown. People fear the unknown, it creates uncomfortable feelings which people want to run from. Anything unknown will always have an element of fear this is natural. The only way to get past this is to try. Once you have done it once fear loses its power as it is no longer an unknown. Each time you do it becomes less of an unknown and more of a known. This is when you have the power. Fear is not necessarily a bad thing, we need fear to guide us and to challenge us in our thinking and doing. As scary as this may sound to some, there is no plan or rule book to life and what you have heard is from fairytales or from black and white thinking. The world is not black and white. The world is full of colour, accents, shades and tones and the only way to see the amazing variations in colour is to start looking at yourself and understanding that you have a unique path which only you know. It is up to you to start looking at what feels right to you, what fits with you and how that can fit into your life/path. There is no life path, only your path.

Sophie Marie

When you start to do this, you learn to understand the beauty in small steps. When I started decorating and designing our home I decided in my head that I would complete the whole house in a few months. As I write this now I laugh. My creativity was there, my passion and excitement however what I failed to do was to look at achievability. Was this achievable? I was passionate, would this not help? I was capable, did this not count for something? Yes, of course these all help to achieve but were my goals achievable? No, of course not. I thought I could because it is what I wanted. Pure and simple. I wanted it done quick and I thought that was enough. How funny. Quite ridiculous to write and read this. We all do it. It doesn’t make us bad people or stupid, it makes us human. What is so powerful is when you learn the beauty in seeing your own progress.

I regularly have to stop and reflect on how different our home is compared to how it was when we bought it. I sometimes get impatient and beat myself up for not yet having a finished home. This is when I have to stop and look around. Simply look at the beautiful, opulent colour on our walls. The stunning lamp that sits beautifully in an alcove next to a yellow photo frame. This is one of my favourite areas and I created it. It was bare, then I painted it. I then spent time looking for the perfect piece (perfect to me) and patiently waited until the right piece presented itself to me. I did it. It took time, there was no quick process and I was very patient at times.

I am not interested in buying for the sake of it or doing a rush buy. I am only interested in buying what is right for our home. All the pieces match my personality which is paramount to me. We live in our home, not a home. There is a huge difference. A friend came to mine Saturday and I was able to show her a few new things that we have invested in since she was last here. It gave me another chance to show the progress and for my friend to see where the house is now. They also get a chance to share in the beauty of my process. Saturday was a big day for me as it was the first day in a while that I could see the accumulation of all my/our hard work. I am including my daughter here as she does help me and spends time helping to organise her bedroom so that she knows where everything is and all her belongings have a place. She puts up with me when impatience kicks in and I get overexcited and embarrassing about storage.

It is hard to explain how it felt. It was a deep feeling, one that hit me hard in a nice way. I was in the kitchen and it just came over me. I realised how most places in the house are organised now. All the baby steps have taken form. Each drawer I tidied out, each item I found a home for and countless bags I gave to charity. The baby steps are the beauty steps. You can not always see the benefit of each small task however it is the accumulation of tiny steps that has led me here. Led me to this warm, touching feeling. This feeling of immense pride and shock. Shock that I can see what a difference there is. It feels like it has just happened but it hasn’t. The baby steps have added up and there is now a massive clearing. The overriding feeling has stayed with me, I can feel it strongly as I write. It feels light. It feels clear, ethereal. It is a beautiful feeling. The beauty of light.

Go and take your first baby step. Where will it take you?

With hope and love

Sophie Marie

How my clothes help me embrace my personality

Clothes, Free, Freedom, Good enough, Growth, Helping others, Personality, Quietly confident, Say yes to rest, Soul, Spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized, Writer, writing

For me, like my home my clothes are a big part of who I am and is another way that I can embrace being me. I do not like to look like anyone else and I do not like to wear whatever is ‘in fashion’. This is just another way that people conform to the masses, look like robots and follow each other. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people do this. I always say I do not like to look like anyone else but what that really means to me is that I just want to be me. I always knew that I thought about life and clothes in a different way to others and this at times has caused me to wonder what was wrong with me. Why did I think one way when a lot of people who I knew or were around seemed to view the world differently. I have written before about how I used to be when I was younger, in primary school. This was the true representation of who I was. Quietly confident in who I was and what I liked even though this was sometimes random or ununusual. I didn’t care. I did not even think about it. I just did. I just was and I was free.

When you experience trauma in your life, it changes you. Simple. Trauma changes life as you know it, trauma changes you, trauma changed me. It affects every single aspect of your life. The way you see the world, the way you view people, your own safety or lack of it, the way that you see yourself, the way that you present yourself. As I write this, hiding is the big word that keeps popping up. I do not want to write too much just now on this as I feel a poem will best help me to put this into words. When I write I like to feel. Sometimes, the words only feel surface and I feel that I want to go deeper and express more. It must be time, I must be ready and it feels safe. It feels special and important and something that I want to share. I remember when I kept everything to myself. All my struggles, all my pain. I am now in a place where I no longer want to hide, I just want to share. I want to share and inspire. I hope to inspire, just be being me. When we think we have to do more, be more. When I finally accepted that I am enough as I am, my life started changing for the better. When I stopped, I started. It is a big fear for lots of people that if they slow down, rest or stop then everything will crash down. You do have to experience it for yourself but I can tell you honestly from my own experience that the opposite is so true. The more you stop, the more you can keep going and growing. It feels magical. It is magical but not magic. It is real, it is you. You are not different, you have just gone deeper. You have touched a depth in your soul that turns on a light so powerful it can never extinguish. If you feel like the light has gone, dimmed down then don’t look outward, go deeper within. Deeper within you.

For now I will leave you with this as I want to walk and reflect before I write more.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading my thoughts, supporting me in my journey and enabling me to support and inspire others.

With love as always

Sophie Marie x

Living my best life

Uncategorized

Hi, I hope you are all keeping well. It has been way too long since I wrote however all for very good reasons. Quite simply, I have been extremely busy with new adventures, new artistic endeavours and loving myself and my life. I am happy to say that I am blissfully happy and I am loving the path that I am on.

When I say path what that means to me is my spiritual path that I have been following for some time now. I have been working with myself for many years however it is fair to say that in the last six months or so my life has changed dramatically for the better.

I am not saying it wasn’t good before. Let me try and explain this in a different way. It feels as though all of the hard work I have put into myself and my life/work is all coming together and is continuing to do so. It really is true that all good things come to those that wait. My saying was “all good things come to those that wait, the best things come to those that wait the longest”. I think now it should be “the best things come to those that wait and work the longest” . Nothing is going to land on your lap and you can not blame anyone or anything if your life is not as you would like it to be. Noone but yourself can change you or your life path. The great thing is anyone is capable of it.

Everything in my life feels so natural. I am not questioning what I am or am not doing, should be doing. I am open to whatever comes into my life and I have the freedom to choose what I accept into my life dependent on how that may or may not fit with my life. I have many things going on in my life now however the thread running through everything I do is spirituality.

A good friend of mine keeps saying that I am glowing and I truly feel this in myself so I am obviously radiating this peaceful energy. The feeling is very personal to me however the easiest way to describe it is to say that I am totally at peace. I thought I had found peace a few years ago and I do believe that I did. This is peace on a higher and deeper level. This is peace where nothing can penetrate. Of course things can upset me, the difference is that it doesn’t stick. I remember when I wrote about the feeling I get from meditation and that for me it is like having a protective shield permanently around me. Things can hit me but they bounce off. When you have peace and you have connected to your inner most core you just know. You feel it. It is something so powerful, so magical, so inspiring and yet so simple. This is what I find so precious. We all have within us this same ability, to reach this same level of consciousness, this same level of peace, of light and energy. We are all the same, we are all one. It is when we start to realise and believe this that life as you know it takes on another, deeper more meaningful meaning. We have been given the amazing, precious gift of life. We should all be living this life.

I learnt this about a year or so ago when I was constantly listening to motivational speakers and it is something that will stay with me forever. Basic but very effective. A thought is never anything but a thought. You have to put the work in to change the thought to an action. Nothing can ever come of a thought.

I have so much to update you about which is really exciting for me. I look forward to filling you in on the exciting things I have been up to and also the upcoming trip to Northumbria that I am currently planning.

I am blessed and happy that I have you all to share this with and hopefully to inspire you in connecting with your true self.

Much excitement and love

Sophie

Connecting deeper to your core

Belief, Hope, Inspire, Minimalism, Self love, Share the love, Uncategorized

As I looked back to see how long it has been since my last post, I realised that I still had a draft post which I had forgotten to publish. I think I was waiting for a photo and then forgot in the midst of life at the moment. Forget the photo for now I have just sent it out.

I have been thinking about how I have not been writing for quite a while. To be honest, with the challenges I have going on at the moment I have been focusing on these and as such I have felt a bit stuck about posting however much I wanted to. I have felt a barrier which I have not liked but have accepted. The positive is that I have been working really hard on these current life challenges, I am no longer prepared to be silent or to keep my voice hidden, me hidden as I do not deserve to hide. I truly believe that all of this is happening for a reason and that I need to face and come to terms with how life was previously before I chose me and my freedom. I let out a deeper breath. I know there is work to be done here and it will come out when it is ready.

A friend of mine had to cancel coffee and catch up this morning, I was disappointed as this was something for me, time away from everything that I had given to myself and was looking forward to. I am still doing what I would have done and just had a nice stroll through the park just reflecting on life, nature and myself and I am treating myself to a coffee whilst I write. With funds as they are at the moment coffee is a big luxury however one coffee will be ok as I need and deserve this time for me, to reflect, to offload, to come to terms with things, to release. I need to be with myself today and love myself more.

I am really happy that I am still meditating every single night before bed and have also increased to sometimes during the day as well. I truly love meditation and how it makes me feel. It really is something that you build on and learn to build into your life with other kinds of self care and I know it is something that I would like to expand on in many ways. It is a way of keeping a protective barrier around you, it enables you to go deeper within yourself and almost like digging really deep within yourself and giving yourself a big hug. That is how I describe it anyway. I guess for me it connects to feeling closer to God and I am learning more every day what I think that means for me. I feel that this feeling of being closer to God and more protected going through struggles and challenges is me being closer to myself. When I used to hear in church about God being in you I never could connect with that concept however more recently I have felt more connection. I feel God is around/in me and I am around/in God as God for me is a higher, deeper state of being and I know that I have reached this deeper state of being lately. I have connected even deeper to myself and I have found that as this has happened I have felt so much less isolated.

I feel that the isolation I have felt is an isolation from some parts of myself and because I have still not got deep enough in myself and with myself. I do feel connected to myself and thankfully have done for a while however I now feel a deeper connection as I know I am connecting and getting in touch even more with my true being, my true self and this is where the isolation dissipates. I am feeling what I want more and more and what I feel I would like to be doing in my life at the moment, what is calling to me at my core.

I have been putting out a few more of our personal items around our home and this has felt so good. It has been lovely and so exciting to see items that have been packed away put out on display and looking at our home as a whole with all the aspects of it. I really love our home and all of the work that I am doing in it. I saved a shelf from a vintage bookcase that I bought a while ago as the shelf itself is stunning. It is very plain however the colour of it will look beautiful against the dark purple walls and I am going to look in a while for some brackets to hold the shelf up. I have the idea in my mind and I would like to try and get that designed this weekend if not today. I have an industrial hanging light, very subdued on the wall in my living room alcove and my idea now is to put the shelf near this light and display some other items of ours on this area. I get creative ideas for items that I may have saved a long time ago or that had previously been used elsewhere and I can then visualise giving them a new life in a different place. This excites me greatly, this is when I can connect with my deeper self, my truest self as I feel like a kid in a sweet shop after having eaten all of the sweets also. I love the feeling.

I feel at home writing and I feel very blessed that I am able to write and also that I dare to write. I do not filter what I am writing as I want it to be just as it is when it comes out of me, real and raw as nothing else really fits with me or feels right. It is not about trying to sound good or intelligent or anything, it is simply me taking out what is in my brain and putting it on down on paper or as in right now on a laptop. I know I should be writing more and not stopping when life gets tough however I am still learning as we all are so I am not going to beat myself up about that. I have made some huge steps over the last month and ones which I am truly proud of however in all honestly despite me saying this it also fills me with anxiety literally as I write about it as I do know that I have not processed all of this yet. As I say this I realise that this is probably what is causing my anxiety, I know there is a lot to reflect on and accept and process and then in time feel, grieve for and then let go and this will also take me to another level.

I have been getting rid of more things in the house, trying to sell a few bits and donating others to charity which helps others as well as myself as I do connect more with an organised, minimal space. For me organised is not about control, it is about making life easier for myself having a space for things and knowing where things are, only being surrounded by what I need and or love and also about respect. Respect for our items in so far as being able to see them, really see them and treasuring them as I do. It is about my self worth also. It is like the tidy house tidy mind attitude however I believe also for me that it is tidy mind tidy house. When I am feeling connected with myself I like our home to look more organised, it is easier, easier to keep tidy, easier to clean, just easier and calm and with it all being decorated and designed to my personality, it just feels right and natural and free. I feel free.

I am really happy to be writing, I love how I can just type literally what comes up in my brain and in doing so release me as well as connect me. I would like to write more in different ways and I hope to be able to fulfil this for myself. It all comes from me and it all comes from you. Only we can do it and we have to do it not only for ourselves but for others, to help show them the way, to encourage, to inspire, to pass on. We must always pass on as you never know when you need someone to pass on to you. Lets make life better for everyone, share what you know and others will do the same. We all benefit from other people, others ideas, others skills and experience and others love.

Share the love always

Sophie Marie xx

 

 

Use your fighting spirit

Uncategorized

Catching up with friends over the last few days has been great and what I know of my close friends is that they know how I am feeling as it is written all over my face and screams from my body language. My friends have commented on how they see my fighting spirit, my passion and my commitment to what I know is right and just. I have been talking for a while about how I can help support more people going through or recovering from domestic abuse and I know deep in my heart and soul that this is my life mission. My friend this morning after seeing and hearing ‘me’ said “you are the champion for the people”. We laughed however I was not joking. I have made quite a few decisions recently about what I want to achieve through my art and creativity and I now know what I want and the path could not be cleared. I may not know the logistics of everything yet however that does not stop me knowing what I want to achieve and where I want to go. I will not anything stand in my way. I am doing this for everyone.

I have decided that I am going to donate a percentage from the sales of my art to helping support people that have been affected by domestic abuse. I know that I will do this. I was saying to my friends this week that once I have in my gut something that I need and or have to do then I never stop. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I will always do it and I will not stop working on my goal.

I visited my local priest the other week and he helped me with my faith and how I need to take my power back. This was a day of emotional release, a day where I needed to cry a lot and talk things over to give me extra strength to keep doing what I am doing. He helped me to understand that I was not alone with these challenges and that I will get through them with God’s help. I believed this and do believe this. I have definitely connected more to God over the last few months and I feel more protected than ever. I know I have the strength of more than myself and this helps me to keep strong for myself and my daughter and for you.

Work and career wise I am getting more help and support in the new year with trying to grow my counselling practice more. I know I work to a high standard and I am so proud of all of the work that I do with children and adults as a mental health counsellor. To see my clients change and grow in confidence and self esteem is a true blessing and when they are ready to use their wings to fly they are then able to pass on what they have learnt to others so that people are always ‘passing it on’. The world will always be a better place when we all ‘pass on’ what we know, our skills, our learning to others to create the ‘ripple effect’ of life.

I know I could be helping support a lot more people and I would like to do this, I just need some help with reaching out to more people so that I can help other people embrace who they are and start making a difference to not only their own but others lives. When you are able to be truly yourself and are not apologising for this but embracing this then you are in a position to inspire and inspirational people are a godsend, they are like the shining stars of the world, the beacons of goodness and wholesomeness (is this even a word, oh well) It is about using your gift and using it for good, to help and to inspire. If you use your gift in the right way you will always help just by being you.

I keep thinking that I would like to work in a womens refuge or something like that so that I am able to best support at the deepest level. I am always frontline, my strength is my communication, my empathy, my intuition, my encouragement.

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago and was telling him about my new website and the aim of what I am doing. He could see and feel my passion for what I was talking about and my determination and love for what I am doing and how I want to inspire people. He looked at me and said “you are inspirational aren’t you”. I was deeply flattered as I knew that he really meant what he said. Our past should not define us nor our future as this is not yet here. We should be defined by who we are, who we really are at our core and who we are as our gift of life and with using our gift. What do you put out into the world?

Strive to always put your best foot forward and by this I do not mean that you have to be perfect or be at the top of your goal or yourself, just simply by keep putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward even if that means crawling or even shuffling. If this is all that you can manage right now that’s enough for now as each minute step will put you one step closer to you and what you want to achieve/how you want to live your life.

We are here to live not to exist.

Keep fighting, keep your strength and if you feel you are slipping then this is the time to reach out for help and support to get you back on the track.

It is ok to slip of the track sometimes, it is inevitable. Do what you need to do, rest, use that fighting spirit deep down within you until you are back on that track,

You have to get back on the track.

Much love and respect

Sophie Marie xx