How my clothes help me embrace my personality

Clothes, Free, Freedom, Good enough, Growth, Helping others, Personality, Quietly confident, Say yes to rest, Soul, Spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized, Writer, writing

For me, like my home my clothes are a big part of who I am and is another way that I can embrace being me. I do not like to look like anyone else and I do not like to wear whatever is ‘in fashion’. This is just another way that people conform to the masses, look like robots and follow each other. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people do this. I always say I do not like to look like anyone else but what that really means to me is that I just want to be me. I always knew that I thought about life and clothes in a different way to others and this at times has caused me to wonder what was wrong with me. Why did I think one way when a lot of people who I knew or were around seemed to view the world differently. I have written before about how I used to be when I was younger, in primary school. This was the true representation of who I was. Quietly confident in who I was and what I liked even though this was sometimes random or ununusual. I didn’t care. I did not even think about it. I just did. I just was and I was free.

When you experience trauma in your life, it changes you. Simple. Trauma changes life as you know it, trauma changes you, trauma changed me. It affects every single aspect of your life. The way you see the world, the way you view people, your own safety or lack of it, the way that you see yourself, the way that you present yourself. As I write this, hiding is the big word that keeps popping up. I do not want to write too much just now on this as I feel a poem will best help me to put this into words. When I write I like to feel. Sometimes, the words only feel surface and I feel that I want to go deeper and express more. It must be time, I must be ready and it feels safe. It feels special and important and something that I want to share. I remember when I kept everything to myself. All my struggles, all my pain. I am now in a place where I no longer want to hide, I just want to share. I want to share and inspire. I hope to inspire, just be being me. When we think we have to do more, be more. When I finally accepted that I am enough as I am, my life started changing for the better. When I stopped, I started. It is a big fear for lots of people that if they slow down, rest or stop then everything will crash down. You do have to experience it for yourself but I can tell you honestly from my own experience that the opposite is so true. The more you stop, the more you can keep going and growing. It feels magical. It is magical but not magic. It is real, it is you. You are not different, you have just gone deeper. You have touched a depth in your soul that turns on a light so powerful it can never extinguish. If you feel like the light has gone, dimmed down then don’t look outward, go deeper within. Deeper within you.

For now I will leave you with this as I want to walk and reflect before I write more.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading my thoughts, supporting me in my journey and enabling me to support and inspire others.

With love as always

Sophie Marie x

When you are aligned with the universe

Belief, Connecting, Embrace true self, Faith, Freedom, God, Good karma, Happiness, Helping others, Hiding, Inner child, Inspire, Kindness, Peace, Self love, Share the love, Share yourself, Spirituality, trauma, universe alignment

Hi all, I hope everyone is well. If you are going through any challenges, don’t forget that you can do this. You are stronger than you know and you will come out the other side stronger after having learnt more lessons. Remember that the challenges are not being fired at you as a punishment but as a gift. The universe does not give you what you want, it gives you what you need. You are doing this.

It has been a while since I last wrote. I have been working on other things and have just returned from a brilliant week in Brighton for the holidays and to celebrate my birthday. There is so much that I want to write about however as usual I am just getting on with it. No filter, just going for it. What will come out will come out. I am just being free. I am just being me.

I wrote recently about good karma and as my daughter will tell you good karma is my new favourite saying. Probably getting a tad annoying for her but hey ho. Good things are still coming into my path, from a kind girl giving away her tickets to us at the pier so that we can choose some keepsake goodies to a free coffee on the train. With each new token of kindness I feel more and more blessed and the feelings flood through me that the universe is working with me. I am not alone, I have not felt alone for a very long time as I have a deep faith inside of me that I know everything will be ok and all the things that I have been working on, building in my life will take me to some big places. By big I mean big in the spiritual sense. It feels kind of weird when I reflect on it that I just believe however it is natural and organic. It just is and I just believe. It is a very comforting feeling, very safe. As I write the word safe I cry. I cry as I remember how at many times in my life I have felt anything but safe. How at many times in my life I didn’t know what safe was. At the worst point in my life I was even scared of my own shadow. I am not going deep into that part now however I know that my writing calls on me. It calls on me to connect. I know now that I not only need to connect but I have to. I know it is a part of me that I have to share, a part of me that I now want to share . I think back to all the times that I kept myself hidden away where I thought I was safe, where no one could hurt me or use me or abuse me. At times I guess I didn’t even know I was hiding but I must have been. It was my safe haven, my self protection, my armour. The only problem is that when you shut away a part of you to keep the bad out you also shut out other possibilities. When you are closed nothing and no one can enter.

I am very emotional writing this tonight but they are happy tears. Tears of sadness for my old self that hadn’t yet learnt to love herself. I thought there was something wrong with me, I never felt like I fit in or that I was good enough. I cry for the little girl,me. I was sweet and innocent and lost the spark that made me me. The part of me that made me free. The part that had no filter, I just did and I just said and I love her. I love all of her. I love all of me. I love the me now that is sat writing in my jeans and my new hoody that I have been looking for for a while. A big, mungy dark blue hoody with I heart Brighton on it. Its tacky and I bloody love it. I feel safe and cosy and warm and loved and at peace. I always go back to what my old counsellor told me years ago, words that will still with me forever. He said “you will do great things”. I believed him then even though I did not know in what capacity and I believe it now even more so. I started writing a book a couple of years ago then I didn’t write for a bit and went on to set up my website and blog where I have been writing ever since. I know I need and want to finish writing my book. I am not sure as yet how to carry on where I left off as I feel like I have done that just in a different writing space. I will look at it tomorrow and I am sure after a while I will know what to do. I truly believe that having an autobiography is great however for me I don’t want to read a celebrity (whatever that means) book. I want to read the real life, nitty gritty of a local working person. Someone that has been through trauma and a lot of different challenges and as lots of people say is”still smiling”. I want to read real and raw and I want to laugh and cry with someone. To connect with someone’s pain the way I connect with an artist singing. When I can hear and feel every bit of their pain and fight and strength and courage. This is what I want to write and I am sure there are other people like me that want to read the same. This is why it is so important to me to write my book and not only that, to get it published. I want to make people feel, connect people and inspire people. I really do believe now that I am not just good at my job, being a counsellor. I can say honestly, with depth that I believe supporting people in the way that I do is my gift from God. I also now believe that my gift is also supporting people in other ways, through my art and writing. For me I am still doing the same thing, I am just reaching out in different ways. I am using the whole of me and it feels amazing.

I have a week by myself whilst my daughter is with her dad and I am going to use this week to exercise (try at least) catch up with my beautiful friends for my belated birthday celebrations , write more and create. If the sun shines that will be a bonus however I am happy either way as the sun is always shining in my life. I am as ever truly blessed.

May you learn that the sun is always shining

With deep love and admiration

Sophie Marie