From Me to You

Embrace true self, Faith, Follow own path, Growth, Happiness, Never give up, Self love, Transformation, Vulnerability, writing

Hi all,

I hope you are all well. I am back home now and feeling great to be back. I joke as I say this as when I say home I mean back to writing which is part of my home. As I said in my earlier post I have been busy with helping support more clients in my work as a mental health counsellor, following my spiritual path, getting our home even more organised and generally busy enjoying myself.

As I look back, especially in the last year I reflect on how much I have grown psychologically and spiritually. As I always say, nothing has happened overnight or from a flash of magic. It is the result of continuously working with myself and for myself. It is no longer about knowing what I need to do, it is just a natural, organic process of simply flowing with what is coming into my life and being open to everything.

I welcome the challenges. I know from experience that it is in these challenges that I show myself and the world what I am capable of. I can utilise not only my skills and strengths but my immer strength.

To quote a lovely lady that I met today “you are a strong character” and “resilient” and yes I take the compliments thank you. She really sees me as a person and how regardless of what is thrown at me or put into my path I deal with it, learn from it and help to empower others by doing so. I know my spiritual path has now brought me to another strong place and that is that I am ready to say thank you. Thank you to the people that throw things in my path, try and knock me of my path and anything else supposedly negative against me.

The difference is where I am at in terms of my own inner being, my own core, me and I am in a beautiful place. The beauty being the beauty of my soul. The soul is a place deep within, the real essence of who you are and in reality you. The best way for me to explain where I am going with this is to share a story of years ago. I remember, when writing my book one day saying that however much people try and hurt me, no matter what they do they can never destroy my spirit. I wrote that back then however it is only recently that I really understand the magnitude of that statement.

In simple terms, what people try and put on you or throw at you is just on the surface. Although you are hurt, upset, sometimes traumatised the pain can only go so deep. Even when the pain feels unbearable you do bear it and you do deal with it and you do move on. This is because the true depth of who you are, at the deepest level, at your core, your soul, your spirit is pure and this can never be destroyed.

I was just looking for a quote from “The power of now” by Ekhart Tolle however it is in my other bag so I will put this in another post. In my work as a counsellor I never will accept when a client or anyone says they are broken. I accept this is how they may feel however there is a negative connotation with this in so much as saying “I am broken, hence I can not be fixed, hence I am nothing”. No one is nothing and I write this with a reflective mind as I once believed that I was exactly this. Looking back only now do I realise that I couldn’t possibly have been nothing despite this being how I felt as in order to have been nothing I could now not be me. Woah, I know this sounds deep but it is not as difficult to comprehend as you may initially think. You can not be nothing and something at the same time. Nothing can not suddenly turn into something. This is impossible and so it makes sense that although feelings of this magnitude are valid and real in the moment you can never, ever be nothing. Your spirit, your soul can never be destroyed so there will as always be a something within you and a giant something.

There will always be you and there will always be me and nobody and nothing can ever take you away from you. Even if you can not feel or believe this right now, you will.

I was called a survivor today and I wouldn’t take it on board. The lady I met with said that I was a victim and now I am a survivor. I said firm and proud “no”. I was a victim, I was a survivor and now I am me.

From me to you with tons of love

Always

Sophie Marie

Are you good enough?

Embrace true self, God, Good enough, Growth, Happiness, Hope, Inspire, Learning, Meditation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Self love, Share yourself, Transformation, writing

I am writing this from pages from my previous journal. I can’t give it an exact date however it could be a year ago. I wrote about being ‘good enough’ and this is what I wrote. “The good enough is like up past me, up higher than me. I guess I have always been unconsciously and consciously striving to be good enough but never getting there. Getting there is not real. I don’t feel like I am good enough. This makes sense as this is like I am not a ? person. I am not ? I am me. I will never be ? as I am me. I can not get to not real, I can only get to reality. It is like striving for a fantasy. I am struggling to find the right word. As I say it and write about it I see good enough as up there and high up. I can see that when I have got higher up that this will still not be up enough”.

“The thing is, this good enough is never ending. It just goes higher and higher, on and on. What and/or where am I trying to get to? If I am at a certain height, will I be good enough then? Will I be enough then? Will I be satisfied? Will I be happier? If I got to a specific height, what would I be? If I carry on like this I will never be satified. Have I been striving for perfection or have I been striving to be me? Also, I should be satisfied and happy with who I am now. In the here and now and not who I will become. I am who I am now. I am good enough now. Do I believe this?”

“I will always evolve and grow and mature and change, however I will always still be me. I was me when I was born, I am me now. I am who I am and I am good enough as I am now”.

I wrote something that didn’t quite make sense as I read it back however it was about me not feeling good enough and that I felt ‘good enough’ related to someone else. I wanted to write about this today as it is something that I have thought a lot about recently and one which has had a huge impact on me as of late.

I do not know exactly when my mindset changed. As I sit and reflect, I know there was no pinnacle moment of change, no aha moment. There is an accumulation of growth, understanding and spiritual change. It is a result of all the self development work that I have been doing every day for the past few years. Positive changes do not appear from nowhere despite how it may appear sometimes. They are not the result of luck or miracle. They are the result of hard work, dedication and constant striving to be the best that I can be. The difference now is that everything comes natural. What I do is what I want to do. How I express myself is how I wish to express myself. How I live is how I choose to live. I found God, in me and started to open myself up to whatever and however I chose to express myself. I continue to do this.

I am struggling to write this piece today. I do not know whether it is because I am attempting to write from a previous started piece or that is has been a short while since I wrote. I wanted to be honest with myself and you so that we know it is ok not to always write fluently and at ease. The important point is to just write or just do, whatever it may be. Stumble through it sometimes if you need to, it is ok. Give yourself a break from thinking that everything has to automatically flow and sound great the first time you write. I am sure we all have these days, just stay with it and you never know what will materialise. As I write this my words flow easier. I feel this is because I am connecting to my deeper self which is where I thrive. I can feel in myself when I am more at ease with myself and my writing. The words come easier and I am no longer second guessing them. This is when I am natural, my favourite way of being. The only way of being for me.

Being honest with myself and others about what I believe to be true and how I value my own voice has been a huge catalyst in my spiritual journey and how I feel inside. Around this time I started my website and blog and I now express my true voice. I express myself through my writing, art and interiors amongst others and it enables me to connect deeply with myself. I connect with my inner core and with this I am at one with God (myself). All fear is gone in terms of putting myself out there whether through words or art. I do not worry that others will take from me, steal my ideas or anything negative. There is no thought. There just is. There is just doing. This is when I know I am authentic as everything comes naturally. When I overthink or question, I know I am slightly disconnected and everything comes easy when it comes from deep within. When you are connected to God (you) you are connected. This is when the magic happens. The beauty that is you. Just being your true self and all that comes from this way of being. I wish for everyone to reach this way of being, this level of connection. It is not a quick process. It is a lifelong commitment to yourself. If you knew how amazing it felt you would not hesitate to make the commitment. If you do not make a commitment to yourself, no one else will. You are worth it. We all are.

We all have the deep knowing of our worth however deep down it is. This is inherent within us as it is a part of us. We are not searching (although you may think this) for something external to connect with/to and/or complete you. What you think you need/want is inside you. The more you search externally, the colder you are. Think of the game hide and seek. When you get closer you are said to be warmer. The further away you are, you are said to be colder. This rings very true if you really think about it. People that constantly chase the external are not happy and this makes sense as you are further away from what you really want and need. Being further away from yourself and who you are as a person you will be colder as you are less connected. This really does make so much sense to me now. I say it is not a miracle however it actually feels like it. I wonder if all people that have reached this level of connection and being feels the same.

I really do believe that the most important factor in achieving this level of connection to God, your highest sense, is meditation. I still meditate every night although I am going to incorporate daily meditation as I am finding I fall asleep at night before my meditation ends. When I started to listen to motivational speakers and to people that were enlightened/living from a deeper sense of being the one thing that they all had in common was that they all had a daily meditation practice. I believe it is like many things in life, that you can not fully understand the benefits until you see and feel them yourself. When you feel the protective force (can not think of the correct word here) of meditation, you no longer feel alone. You are not alone and you never will be as you always have yourself. This is when the externals of life become a bonus rather than essential/a need.

I know this is a long post. I know I am now writing from my core as I could write and write and never stop. It is free flowing and organic. I am free. You will always be free when you come from within, when you are connected to your spirit. This is life. Pure life.

I know I do not need to get to a specific point to be fulfilled. I am fulfilled now. I am me now. I am connected to myself now. I accept me now, exactly as I am and exactly where I am. I am not just good enough. I am more than good enough. I am me and I am home. There is no place I would rather be.

With life, hope and love

Sophie Marie x

Taking Risks to Transform

Faith, Transformation

I have been thinking for a while that I need a change of hair colour and yesterday was the day that I stopped talking about it and just did it. I looked at this colour and it stopped me in my tracks. I had a moment and in this moment I knew this was the only one that I wanted. It wasn’t a colour I had ever spoken of or thought about however it was something that I felt in that moment, in my gut and I knew it was the one. Anything that causes that deep, gut feeling is always the one. It wasn’t without fear and I did fret a bit waiting for the colour to develop (pretty instant in fact) just in case my hair turned green and or dropped out (no, I did not wait the 48 hrs as advised) but here I am and here my new hair is in all its glory and all in one piece.

There are many times in life that you have to just go with what is in your gut, what creates a deep feeling. For me it is a knowing. I have come to know that despite incorporated fear, if it gets me straight away, punches me straight in the stomach that I just need to power through the fear and do it as it is the way forward for me.

My hair is quite a transformation, the deepest of blue with a richness and opulence that envelops me. I love it, really love it. I keep grinning and I had such a good time last night at home arranging more of my artwork and I completed a new large art piece also which just added to my feeling of oneness, freedom and of being transported to a higher place. When I am going through a period of change I can feel it, it is tangible and a little scary if I am being truly honest. I can actually feel myself moving on to a different place, a shift. There is a feeling that I am letting go of something and with this is a feeling of slight disconnect for a moment, I almost lose breath for a few moments. It felt safe and slow which helped the process and despite the slight unease that goes alongside it I was surrounded by an abundance of peace and protection (alongside the soundtrack of A Star Is Born on repeat).

I know when I am stagnant and when you are stagnant you die. You have to be constantly evolving and in a state of transformation. It is like hitting an impass, nowhere else to go and you keep hitting something that is not moving. It is hard and there is no other way to go so you have to take the new path that you have been carving out for yourself (even when you don’t realise you have been). There are always crossroads in life and I have reached many. For me, it is about leaving the old paths behind (with memories and experiences in tow) in order to face head on my new path even if I don’t yet know what is on it. I believe if I am really being truly honest, at my depth I do know, yet I am scared. I know it is what I want, where I want to go, how I want to travel, however the fear of the unknown soil tugs at me and tries to make me stay. I don’t want to stay, I don’t belong there anymore. I have moved on. I have grown. I have evolved and I am happy. I choose my own life path and I will take my own path along with the fear and see where it takes me. As my daughter and I say when we are about to do something new and exciting, eek.

I hope you keep with me on my journey. I send you all encouragement and love on yours.

Love and blessings

Sophie Marie