How my clothes help me embrace my personality

Clothes, Free, Freedom, Good enough, Growth, Helping others, Personality, Quietly confident, Say yes to rest, Soul, Spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized, Writer, writing

For me, like my home my clothes are a big part of who I am and is another way that I can embrace being me. I do not like to look like anyone else and I do not like to wear whatever is ‘in fashion’. This is just another way that people conform to the masses, look like robots and follow each other. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people do this. I always say I do not like to look like anyone else but what that really means to me is that I just want to be me. I always knew that I thought about life and clothes in a different way to others and this at times has caused me to wonder what was wrong with me. Why did I think one way when a lot of people who I knew or were around seemed to view the world differently. I have written before about how I used to be when I was younger, in primary school. This was the true representation of who I was. Quietly confident in who I was and what I liked even though this was sometimes random or ununusual. I didn’t care. I did not even think about it. I just did. I just was and I was free.

When you experience trauma in your life, it changes you. Simple. Trauma changes life as you know it, trauma changes you, trauma changed me. It affects every single aspect of your life. The way you see the world, the way you view people, your own safety or lack of it, the way that you see yourself, the way that you present yourself. As I write this, hiding is the big word that keeps popping up. I do not want to write too much just now on this as I feel a poem will best help me to put this into words. When I write I like to feel. Sometimes, the words only feel surface and I feel that I want to go deeper and express more. It must be time, I must be ready and it feels safe. It feels special and important and something that I want to share. I remember when I kept everything to myself. All my struggles, all my pain. I am now in a place where I no longer want to hide, I just want to share. I want to share and inspire. I hope to inspire, just be being me. When we think we have to do more, be more. When I finally accepted that I am enough as I am, my life started changing for the better. When I stopped, I started. It is a big fear for lots of people that if they slow down, rest or stop then everything will crash down. You do have to experience it for yourself but I can tell you honestly from my own experience that the opposite is so true. The more you stop, the more you can keep going and growing. It feels magical. It is magical but not magic. It is real, it is you. You are not different, you have just gone deeper. You have touched a depth in your soul that turns on a light so powerful it can never extinguish. If you feel like the light has gone, dimmed down then don’t look outward, go deeper within. Deeper within you.

For now I will leave you with this as I want to walk and reflect before I write more.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading my thoughts, supporting me in my journey and enabling me to support and inspire others.

With love as always

Sophie Marie x

Say yes to rest

Say yes to rest, Small steps

It has been a couple of days since I wrote and it hasn’t been the same. I have missed writing. I have been feeling a little under the weather, tired and lacking my usual energy so I have spent time arranging furniture and looking at frame ideas for my other art pieces. I really wanted to create another piece tonight however we did not get home until late and I have spent an hour on a very tedious job, scraping glue off my skirting boards ready for the undercoat. I have given myself permission to leave this job until tomorrow morning when I hopefully will be fresh and ready to rock.

It is really hard not doing lots of work on the house and gallery this week as I am loving it so much and there is still quite a bit to do. I just have to accept that sometimes my body tells me I need rest and I have to stop being stubborn and just do it.

As I write now I feel like I could fall asleep so I know I need to rest, I also just want to get more work done. My positive is that I gave myself a small albeit tedious job to do and by achieving that I can start straight away tomorrow and get another section undercoated. It is another step and even when there are less steps taken, they are still all steps forward and that is progress. Even when you have to stop, just remind yourself that you are only stopping so that you can rest and start again stronger.

A few people saw parts of our home this weekend and they all said how much they like the colour scheme and how they like how my art is being displayed. They were really complimentary and I was so excited telling them about my plans, I can hear and feel my own passion as I talk to people and it feels amazing. I am really proud of what I am creating.

I sit and think to the future, more art that I will create and wonder what my next piece will look like, the texture, the flow. I am often thinking about different materials to use instead of canvas, I would like to try a few different ideas and see what works. You never know unless you try. If it doesn’t work, so what. At least I have tried and I am not afraid to try.

I hope to get some of my art pieces back from framing this week and I can hang them in my gallery. I can’t wait to see what they look like as they take on another dimension once they are all complete. It is when the piece is fully alive, I feel the life running through me too.

A little Netflix and early night for me. Look after yourself, say yes to rest.

Good night and god bless

Sophie Marie