Acceptance

Acceptance, be kind to yourself, fear of unknown, Kindness

My writing at the moment is quite sporadic. I am looking forward to the time when I can spend more time fulfilling this side of my life. The last six months or so I have dedicated to growing my counselling practice. This has been successful as I have the pleasure to be supporting more people with their mental health. As I wrote in my last blog, I have been manifesting aspects of my life which I want to enhance. All the work and energy that I put into my business and work with clients has been paying off. I am finding it hard to write today, this sometimes happens when I have not written for a long time. I will be kind to myself and just keep writing, see where it takes me. Life anything in life, the key is to let it be and do not force it. Supporting people with their mental health can bring up many similarities in patterns of thought. One of these is how people try and push away, get rid of, run away from feelings they deem ‘negative’. We naturally do not want to ‘feel’ difficult emotions or pain and so in whatever means possible we try and separate from them. We now believe on some level that we are safe. We are not. All you are doing is delaying the inevitable. Facing the pain is never as bad as you imagine, it is the fear of the unknown which we all know can be a big fear and one which can keep us stuck.

This is a post that I started to write in December 2019. I value my writing so I have kept it as it is. It feels nice to not feel like I have to post what I deem ‘perfect’. I accept my writing as it is. I accept myself as I am.

With hope

Sophie Marie

When you are aligned with the universe

Belief, Connecting, Embrace true self, Faith, Freedom, God, Good karma, Happiness, Helping others, Hiding, Inner child, Inspire, Kindness, Peace, Self love, Share the love, Share yourself, Spirituality, trauma, universe alignment

Hi all, I hope everyone is well. If you are going through any challenges, don’t forget that you can do this. You are stronger than you know and you will come out the other side stronger after having learnt more lessons. Remember that the challenges are not being fired at you as a punishment but as a gift. The universe does not give you what you want, it gives you what you need. You are doing this.

It has been a while since I last wrote. I have been working on other things and have just returned from a brilliant week in Brighton for the holidays and to celebrate my birthday. There is so much that I want to write about however as usual I am just getting on with it. No filter, just going for it. What will come out will come out. I am just being free. I am just being me.

I wrote recently about good karma and as my daughter will tell you good karma is my new favourite saying. Probably getting a tad annoying for her but hey ho. Good things are still coming into my path, from a kind girl giving away her tickets to us at the pier so that we can choose some keepsake goodies to a free coffee on the train. With each new token of kindness I feel more and more blessed and the feelings flood through me that the universe is working with me. I am not alone, I have not felt alone for a very long time as I have a deep faith inside of me that I know everything will be ok and all the things that I have been working on, building in my life will take me to some big places. By big I mean big in the spiritual sense. It feels kind of weird when I reflect on it that I just believe however it is natural and organic. It just is and I just believe. It is a very comforting feeling, very safe. As I write the word safe I cry. I cry as I remember how at many times in my life I have felt anything but safe. How at many times in my life I didn’t know what safe was. At the worst point in my life I was even scared of my own shadow. I am not going deep into that part now however I know that my writing calls on me. It calls on me to connect. I know now that I not only need to connect but I have to. I know it is a part of me that I have to share, a part of me that I now want to share . I think back to all the times that I kept myself hidden away where I thought I was safe, where no one could hurt me or use me or abuse me. At times I guess I didn’t even know I was hiding but I must have been. It was my safe haven, my self protection, my armour. The only problem is that when you shut away a part of you to keep the bad out you also shut out other possibilities. When you are closed nothing and no one can enter.

I am very emotional writing this tonight but they are happy tears. Tears of sadness for my old self that hadn’t yet learnt to love herself. I thought there was something wrong with me, I never felt like I fit in or that I was good enough. I cry for the little girl,me. I was sweet and innocent and lost the spark that made me me. The part of me that made me free. The part that had no filter, I just did and I just said and I love her. I love all of her. I love all of me. I love the me now that is sat writing in my jeans and my new hoody that I have been looking for for a while. A big, mungy dark blue hoody with I heart Brighton on it. Its tacky and I bloody love it. I feel safe and cosy and warm and loved and at peace. I always go back to what my old counsellor told me years ago, words that will still with me forever. He said “you will do great things”. I believed him then even though I did not know in what capacity and I believe it now even more so. I started writing a book a couple of years ago then I didn’t write for a bit and went on to set up my website and blog where I have been writing ever since. I know I need and want to finish writing my book. I am not sure as yet how to carry on where I left off as I feel like I have done that just in a different writing space. I will look at it tomorrow and I am sure after a while I will know what to do. I truly believe that having an autobiography is great however for me I don’t want to read a celebrity (whatever that means) book. I want to read the real life, nitty gritty of a local working person. Someone that has been through trauma and a lot of different challenges and as lots of people say is”still smiling”. I want to read real and raw and I want to laugh and cry with someone. To connect with someone’s pain the way I connect with an artist singing. When I can hear and feel every bit of their pain and fight and strength and courage. This is what I want to write and I am sure there are other people like me that want to read the same. This is why it is so important to me to write my book and not only that, to get it published. I want to make people feel, connect people and inspire people. I really do believe now that I am not just good at my job, being a counsellor. I can say honestly, with depth that I believe supporting people in the way that I do is my gift from God. I also now believe that my gift is also supporting people in other ways, through my art and writing. For me I am still doing the same thing, I am just reaching out in different ways. I am using the whole of me and it feels amazing.

I have a week by myself whilst my daughter is with her dad and I am going to use this week to exercise (try at least) catch up with my beautiful friends for my belated birthday celebrations , write more and create. If the sun shines that will be a bonus however I am happy either way as the sun is always shining in my life. I am as ever truly blessed.

May you learn that the sun is always shining

With deep love and admiration

Sophie Marie

Good Karma

Be thankful, Belief, Faith, Freedom, Good karma, Growth, Helping, Helping others, Hope, Inspire, Kindness, Learning, Letting go, Pass it on, Self love, Share the love, Share yourself, Small steps, Spirituality, writing

Hi, how are you all. I have finally got my laptop fixed and so I am back writing after a while. Unfortunately I am not one of those people that can happily type away on a mobile. I am old school and I have to feel the touch of the keyboard, it is how I write and how I can maintain my flow. It feels good already. I always feel even closer to myself when I write and there is no better feeling. There is so much that I want to write about however rather than overwhelm myself I will practice what I preach and take it one step at a time, one blog at a time.

I want this first piece to be about karma however not the negative kind. Good karma and I would like to talk about how life and the universe is coming together with me and revealing itself. There is a lot to discuss so bear with me as I do like to go around the houses to tell a story. Hey, its what makes me me and I am good with it. There is a faith that I believe is missing with lots of people, I used to be one of them. Now when I say I used to be one of them, I mean I was always positive however at times of extreme difficulty I have not always possessed the ability to just simply have faith and believe that everything will turn out ok, turn out as it is supposed to. Until this year. Life really changed forever. I know I have experienced that many times, many different periods of growth, changes and increases of confidence and self esteem. This is different. This is real, genuine and certainly life changing and something so important that I want to share with you all.

I have written about this a couple of times however I know this will be something that will keep coming in to my blogs as it is so profound and so intrinsically part of my life now, part of me. This is spirituality, being at one with the world, with nature, with the universe rather than feeling like you are separate, alone and disconnected. Now I am no way a master on this, I know what I know based on my own experience of it and how I feel the world around me. I understand more now since I was drawn to reading and through my spiritual reading across different areas which also is an instrinsic part of who I am. Reading now also makes me feel more alive, more connected. I will keep doing what I am doing until I no longer enjoy it. I do not believe that you have to always keep at something just because you started it. Some things like some people are meant to come into your life for a period of time, everything does not and will not be forever and now I can happily say that I am at peace with this. I am sure in some areas this may not come as easy for me however I will take what I already know and feel and apply it to these other areas. I do not have to know everything and I do not need to know how things will turn out, if they will work out. I feel happy now to just do what I want, when I want with who I want. I don’t mean without a care in the world attitude, just having the freedom to be me in whatever way that is in the moment and being ok with that. I reiterate that I am no master of any of these and I do not have to be. Noone is a true master at anything, like no one is perfect. There will always be more to learn, more growth, more things to experience. You and I are ever evolving so we will never be a finished product. Why would we want to be? How boring would that be? To know everything already and have nothing left to learn. This is what I would equate to being a robot and I am not a robot.

I just realised that I have been writing away and I have not even mentioned good karma yet and that is ok. Writing, like life does not always go from one to 100 in a straight line, I may go up and down, to the side, high up then a few down or in whichever combination. It is what it is and I am what I am. I will get to it but for now I just want to write, to release, to speak and hopefully be heard. That is a new admission for me which I feel I need to stop at. This is where I would say (in my counselling work) “that sounds huge”. I feel it is. I am always listening. I like to talk when I feel comfortable to talk and with my friends this is easy however I still need to say outloud sometimes, anytime “I want to be heard”. “I want to be listened to and I want to be heard”. I have definitely got better in this area and will not just be quiet if a friend starts to talk when I am, I will assert myself and speak a bit louder. I used to get mad at conversations of this nature and with some people I have found it impossible. People are so wrapped up in themselves that they want to be listened to and they are however they do not then pass that back as mutual respect. I have started to think to myself after one of these conversations that I would love to say “it would be nice if you would now ask about me, what I am up to etc” This is really honest by me and in all of my years I have never said this outloud although I am accepting in myself that this is what I am feeling and thinking. If you have a conversation with someone in the street, at home, wherever and the other person gives you respect and time and space to talk a while and be listened to, please stop and think for a moment. Do not take advantage. Offer the same back. Ask them about themselves. They, I, may be a great listener but I would also like to be listened to. It is not about saying well Im not very good at listening, I think that’s a cop out. It is about the simple act of making someone else feel valid. We all want to feel validated by other people, it is innate.

If you feel like you have got something from someone, whether that be a simple but effective smile, a nice comment, a listening ear, someone asking you how you are or about your day please pass it on. If you feel like you received something, give something back. This is so valid across life in general. It is not our life, just for us as some people still think. We are all part of life. We are life and as such we need to look after it, to look after each other. Be there for one another. Now I guess I should talk about good karma or else I will have to change the title of this blog.

Since having the deep, inner belief that everything will work out and to let go and just allow life to be, the universe is really working with me. I went to Northumberland for half term and upon landing at Bardon Mill by train I realised that we were not in the right place I felt perhaps all my bus/train research had got a bit muddled. I needed to get to our YHA. There was a pub and nothing else. I went in to enquire and found out that to walk to the YHA would be a minimum of one hour, uphill and with a heavy rucksack, suitcase and my ten year old daughter in tow was a no no. After a lot of conversations with the lovely staff at the pub and another lady who said she would have driven us had she not been drinking already, one of the ladies working in the pub got her car and drove us to our hostel. From the moment I entered, I felt looked after and not alone. I had faith that we would get there and help came to hand. Whilst on the same trip, I was let off with money that I was short for the train and a free bus trip (the crazy AD122 bus journey,lets not go there). It was then that I felt more connected, not alone. I know for people it is really hard to believe that things will be ok, especially if they haven’t been for so long but trust me they will. Constantly hoping and praying it will be ok does not quite work the same. You have to learn to, as they say “let go and trust the process”. This is so true not just in counselling but in life. Once you surrender to what is and what will be, things seem to emerge in different ways. It is like the quote (sorry I don’t know the author of the quote) “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. So true. When you experience it for yourself you can say “I get it”. It all makes sense, it all slots together, naturally, organically the way it is supposed to.

I left my purse at home the other week and was stuck needing petrol to get me back home. No phone, no id, nothing. Whilst in the bank explaining my situation, hoping they would give me money without id, a lady came up to me and said “if they can’t give it to you, I will give you the money to get home”. I was really touched, she had heard my story. She heard me. Very powerful.

Thank you for all the people who think and feel that way and may they be a teacher to others who may not naturally be that way. We can all learn from each other. We just have to listen…..

With much love and hope

Sophie Marie xx

Helping others

Art, Belief, domestic abuse, Expressions of art, Faith, Growth, Helping, Helping others, Hope, Inspirational cycle, Inspire, Kindness, Nature, Reconnecting, Share yourself, support, writing

Hi all, it’s good to be here. I hope you are all keeping well and if you are currently being challenged as I am then I hope you have some support to keep you on your path.

I think I have a previous post about this however my desire to help people just keeps growing stronger. I support children, teenagers and adults in my work as a mental health counsellor which I love. This is a different kind of desire. This comes from deep down, deep within my soul. When I am going through challenges in my life, my opportunity for growth, this is when the desire burns stronger. I spoke to a lovely friend of mine the other day about my ideas for helping support more people. When I told her some of my ideas she said how kind and selfless they were. I know this was a compliment, however I actually disagree slightly in that on some level I feel that helping in these extra ways will help me also and so can not be purely selfless. I guess the difference now is that I am not trying to make myself ‘feel better’. I just empathise with people and their challenges, especially when those challenges leave you feeling isolated. This is a feeling I have had many times and I know how hard it is. I also now know that reaching out to others is a way of connecting. There is a deeper will to want people to know that by offering what you can, a simple message of encouragement or small token that ‘you are not alone’.

To feel this compassion from people is a feeling that can not be replicated. At Christmas time, my daughter and I were invited to an event held by Harv (domestic abuse charity) where we were shown all the donations that people had left for Christmas presents. It was very emotional for me as it was a very powerful message that people who had never met you wanted you to know that they care, you are in their thoughts and to remind you that you are not alone. There is no greater feeling.

The truth is, no one is alone. We are all connected to one another, to nature, to our universe. We either do not realise this yet or we have become detached, disconnected. The good news is that we can all connect again. Disconnection is temporary and in a way not even real. It is more of a perceived feeling as we can never truly be disconnected to who we are at our core and if we keep that with us always this will always keep us going. I feel the need to reiterate this as it is a very powerful statement. “We can never be disconnected from our core. If we keep that with us always, this will always keep us going”. I love this.

I can feel the flow more now in my words. Sometimes it takes time for the flow, sometimes it comes immediately. I just remember that it comes when it is ready, when I settle into myself and into my thoughts. When I am in the moment, in the here and now and being mindful. I can only be me now.

I just remembered what I started my post about and that was helping others. I am reading a book I got from a charity book shop in Hexham about compassion and it really is helping me cement my desire to help in a bigger way than I currently am. I know there is something a lot bigger in me and the ideas and thoughts are all coming to the forefront. I need to collect all of my ideas and put them together in the best way to showcase empathy, compassion and a willingness to support. I know I will use my art within this as art has got me to where I am now. Art was a huge influence for me. Art helped me to connect to my feelings and to reconnect with myself. Art helped save my life and I owe a lot to the arts.

I am going to put together an inspiration board to collate my ideas and thoughts and see how I can best put forward my plan. I want to show what can be done in your local community, how every little helps and how if we all share a bit of ourselves then we can all make this a better world for us all.

With hope and healing

Sophie Marie xx

Setting up an art/creative website

Art, Hope, Inspire, Kindness, Small steps, Uncategorized, Wordpress

It has been a couple of weeks now since I first registered for my new art website and purchased my new domain name sophiemarie.art. I always knew it would be a challenge. Help and support is always available (thanks WordPress) however the day to day additions, alterations and improvements needed to coincide with my goals for my site are a new challenge each and every time. The most recent being the addition of my buy now paypal button which took me numerous hours and conversations and immense frustration to achieve and this was in the end with the help of a couple of people, one being from WordPress. IT has never been my strong suit and I doubt it ever will be. I will always however want to know how to do something even if that means I need to learn it a few times. This then helps me grow as I can remember parts that I learned to help me with the next challenge.

I have now created a few pages, written numerous blog posts, displayed a few images of my art and interior and have a working paypal button. With the addition of more aspects of the webite I was able to assess the scheme that I had chosen (there have been lots of changes) to see if it was still working. Although I like the look of Hemmingway Revisited, it wasn’t displaying my images alongside my blog posts as I would like so I spent time yesterday researching the various schemes (again) and came to my new choice which I feel works better for me and looks more professional at the stage I am at. I know I have another choice lined up for when I have more of my art displayed on a portfolio as some of the other schemes are more geared towards art based/photo/creative websites.

I know I am progressing with the development as I am always looking to see how the site looks with each new addition and how that may translate to others looking at my site. I do have high standards which in the past have caused me a lot of stress however there is also the positive side of this. I know that I have to be really happy with something now to put it out for sale and for me that is all in the finer details. The art produced is one thing however the process throughout is paramount. The process of choosing the right frame with the right look, colour, finish, style and feel. Feel not just in an aesthetic sense but within. I have to see the finished article and say “yes, that’s it”. It has to give me that pull, that excitement where I know it is ready.

As an artist that uses her experiences and knowledge in everything that she does, I know that there is always a depth in all of my work. Like anything in my life, if it is important to me I will do it and I will do it 110%, to the best of my ability which I feel is a strength of mine. I would rather not put work out if I am not truly happy with each aspect as I feel it is a representation of myself and the standard that I hold for myself and for the people that buy my art. I want them to be happy with the whole piece not just the art itself, that is what takes the time, the patience and energy as it all has to run in succession. I want all aspects of my business to not only look professional but be professional. Each detail is important to me down to the layout of the site so that it represents the artist and businesswoman that I am.

I have often been called diligent which is nice as it shows me that people do see how much of myself I put into a project and how I will never give up. I always put my heart and soul into everything that I do and I hope that shows to others. When you buy my art, you buy the heart and soul, the knowledge, the motivation, the spirituality within it. More than ever I want to connect with more people through my work as an artist as well as in counselling and I feel like this is one step further to my goal.

I will never ask people to like and share my work for the sake of it or because I am offering you something free. If you do like my posts and/or my art great, your feedback is much appreciated and if there is something that speaks to you in one of my blogs then please pass it on to someone that you feel may benefit from these words.

If we all help one another, even a little then it all adds up to something monumental. Everything starts with one small step, everything starts with you.

Think about yourself as a greater force than just you. A huge lesson I have learnt quite recently is to always put yourself (or at least try to) out there and by doing this you help to create the ‘ripple effect’.

You learn and you pass it on then whoever that is received by can do the same. There are endless possibilities in creating good in the world. It really isn’t complicated or hard. You just have to start.

With much hope, kindness and love

 

Sophie Marie x