Are you good enough?

Embrace true self, God, Good enough, Growth, Happiness, Hope, Inspire, Learning, Meditation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Self love, Share yourself, Transformation, writing

I am writing this from pages from my previous journal. I can’t give it an exact date however it could be a year ago. I wrote about being ‘good enough’ and this is what I wrote. “The good enough is like up past me, up higher than me. I guess I have always been unconsciously and consciously striving to be good enough but never getting there. Getting there is not real. I don’t feel like I am good enough. This makes sense as this is like I am not a ? person. I am not ? I am me. I will never be ? as I am me. I can not get to not real, I can only get to reality. It is like striving for a fantasy. I am struggling to find the right word. As I say it and write about it I see good enough as up there and high up. I can see that when I have got higher up that this will still not be up enough”.

“The thing is, this good enough is never ending. It just goes higher and higher, on and on. What and/or where am I trying to get to? If I am at a certain height, will I be good enough then? Will I be enough then? Will I be satisfied? Will I be happier? If I got to a specific height, what would I be? If I carry on like this I will never be satified. Have I been striving for perfection or have I been striving to be me? Also, I should be satisfied and happy with who I am now. In the here and now and not who I will become. I am who I am now. I am good enough now. Do I believe this?”

“I will always evolve and grow and mature and change, however I will always still be me. I was me when I was born, I am me now. I am who I am and I am good enough as I am now”.

I wrote something that didn’t quite make sense as I read it back however it was about me not feeling good enough and that I felt ‘good enough’ related to someone else. I wanted to write about this today as it is something that I have thought a lot about recently and one which has had a huge impact on me as of late.

I do not know exactly when my mindset changed. As I sit and reflect, I know there was no pinnacle moment of change, no aha moment. There is an accumulation of growth, understanding and spiritual change. It is a result of all the self development work that I have been doing every day for the past few years. Positive changes do not appear from nowhere despite how it may appear sometimes. They are not the result of luck or miracle. They are the result of hard work, dedication and constant striving to be the best that I can be. The difference now is that everything comes natural. What I do is what I want to do. How I express myself is how I wish to express myself. How I live is how I choose to live. I found God, in me and started to open myself up to whatever and however I chose to express myself. I continue to do this.

I am struggling to write this piece today. I do not know whether it is because I am attempting to write from a previous started piece or that is has been a short while since I wrote. I wanted to be honest with myself and you so that we know it is ok not to always write fluently and at ease. The important point is to just write or just do, whatever it may be. Stumble through it sometimes if you need to, it is ok. Give yourself a break from thinking that everything has to automatically flow and sound great the first time you write. I am sure we all have these days, just stay with it and you never know what will materialise. As I write this my words flow easier. I feel this is because I am connecting to my deeper self which is where I thrive. I can feel in myself when I am more at ease with myself and my writing. The words come easier and I am no longer second guessing them. This is when I am natural, my favourite way of being. The only way of being for me.

Being honest with myself and others about what I believe to be true and how I value my own voice has been a huge catalyst in my spiritual journey and how I feel inside. Around this time I started my website and blog and I now express my true voice. I express myself through my writing, art and interiors amongst others and it enables me to connect deeply with myself. I connect with my inner core and with this I am at one with God (myself). All fear is gone in terms of putting myself out there whether through words or art. I do not worry that others will take from me, steal my ideas or anything negative. There is no thought. There just is. There is just doing. This is when I know I am authentic as everything comes naturally. When I overthink or question, I know I am slightly disconnected and everything comes easy when it comes from deep within. When you are connected to God (you) you are connected. This is when the magic happens. The beauty that is you. Just being your true self and all that comes from this way of being. I wish for everyone to reach this way of being, this level of connection. It is not a quick process. It is a lifelong commitment to yourself. If you knew how amazing it felt you would not hesitate to make the commitment. If you do not make a commitment to yourself, no one else will. You are worth it. We all are.

We all have the deep knowing of our worth however deep down it is. This is inherent within us as it is a part of us. We are not searching (although you may think this) for something external to connect with/to and/or complete you. What you think you need/want is inside you. The more you search externally, the colder you are. Think of the game hide and seek. When you get closer you are said to be warmer. The further away you are, you are said to be colder. This rings very true if you really think about it. People that constantly chase the external are not happy and this makes sense as you are further away from what you really want and need. Being further away from yourself and who you are as a person you will be colder as you are less connected. This really does make so much sense to me now. I say it is not a miracle however it actually feels like it. I wonder if all people that have reached this level of connection and being feels the same.

I really do believe that the most important factor in achieving this level of connection to God, your highest sense, is meditation. I still meditate every night although I am going to incorporate daily meditation as I am finding I fall asleep at night before my meditation ends. When I started to listen to motivational speakers and to people that were enlightened/living from a deeper sense of being the one thing that they all had in common was that they all had a daily meditation practice. I believe it is like many things in life, that you can not fully understand the benefits until you see and feel them yourself. When you feel the protective force (can not think of the correct word here) of meditation, you no longer feel alone. You are not alone and you never will be as you always have yourself. This is when the externals of life become a bonus rather than essential/a need.

I know this is a long post. I know I am now writing from my core as I could write and write and never stop. It is free flowing and organic. I am free. You will always be free when you come from within, when you are connected to your spirit. This is life. Pure life.

I know I do not need to get to a specific point to be fulfilled. I am fulfilled now. I am me now. I am connected to myself now. I accept me now, exactly as I am and exactly where I am. I am not just good enough. I am more than good enough. I am me and I am home. There is no place I would rather be.

With life, hope and love

Sophie Marie x

Becoming more confident as an artist

Abstract art, Abstract art for sale, Contemporary abstract artist, Creative path, Creativity, Embrace true self, Follow own path, Growth, Happiness, Inspirational cycle, Inspire, New contemporary abstract art, Recycled abstract art

It has been a little while since I wrote. I have been working hard getting more paperwork up to date and cleaning out my studio.

I have known for a while that I need to speak with more confidence and conviction about my work as an artist. My daughter used to laugh and I shamed at my pathetic, under the breath acceptance of my art. Even more embarrassing was my hopeless fumble of words, uttering something about resin when asked about my style of art. I could laugh about it however I knew there was still a disconnect with my expression of the kind of art that I produce.

Looking at the positives, I had a very natural conversation a couple of weeks ago where I proactively described myself as a contemporary abstract artist with nothing but confidence and pride. I also happily connected this person to my website and we talked freely about creativity and the work that we do. It was truly refreshing and it felt very natural and easy. I felt at my most alive talking about my creative endeavours, just like I do when I am creating or writing. It felt really nice and something that I want to feel more.

We also spoke about blockages to creating and allowing things in our life to get in the way of what we want to be doing. This is what bubbles my excitement as it is why I do the work I do and why I live the life that I now live. In my work as a mental health counsellor, an artist and writing my blog I work to inspire people to be who they are and to live their own life rather than following another’s path. When I talk about my creative life it opens up others to do the same and they can then do the same. It is what I call the ‘inspirational cycle. We can all inspire each other and we should all inspire each other. It just starts with one word, one conversation.

I want to show the world my art, share my thoughts, my challenges, my inspirations, my life and how I am still the happiest I have ever been in my life. It now sounds silly to describe it this way as I know it is not temporary. My happiness is not dependent on external events. I am happy because I choose to be happy and to live life the way I know keeps me happy. There is no other way.

Don’t just choose happy. Choose to do the work that keeps you happy. Not temporary happiness. Happiness at your core. Happiness that makes you ‘you’.

Sending happy thoughts

Sophie Marie

If you are waiting to become a finished product you are waiting for death

Darkness, Faith, Growth, Hope, Inner child, Inspire, Never give up, Reconnecting, Self love, Small steps, Vulnerability, writing

I am aware of the harsh title of this blog however it is time to start living your life now. We have all done it and said it, many times. “When I get a better job I will be sorted”. “When I lose weight life will be great”. This place, this time, this “when” is now and can only ever be now. We are not alive in the past nor in the future. If either of these places is how you travel through your life then stop and reflect on where you are going. It is only by being right here in this very moment and connecting with now that you touch ‘alive’. You touch life.

Reaching this level of consciousness, this level of awareness requires visiting some dark places. I am not going to lie and say this is easy however I know for a fact that it is never as bad as how you imagined it to be. The unknown always appears larger than it actually is. Getting to the point of knowing that something has to change, you have to change brings every emotion out of the woodwork.

There is a knowing deep inside of you that is calling you. It is not scientific or magical in that sense. It is something very beautiful. It is you.

Your true self, your younger self, your innocent self wants to meet up. You want to connect. You need to connect. Without connection there is a disconnect. With disconnection there is separation. With separation you are alone.

We all know that you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. It is a horrific feeling at times. Somewhere along the journey of your life you left a part(s) of yourself and they are missing you. They have been trying to tell you for a long time but you have not been listening. When you didn’t listen I cried. I still needed you so I tried to get your attention in different ways. When I shouted at you I hurt you. I am not sorry. I did that out of love, for you. I love you and I just wouldn’t stop trying to tell you until you heard me. That is what real love is. It is not flowers and chocolates. It is not dishonesty. It is honest and brave and relentless. It will never give up on you. You are just not listening, not open. You need to be open to receive. Open your heart to love. Open your heart to you.

Love

Sophie Marie x

Is your home a reflection of ‘you’ or a copy of the latest trends

Art, Inspire, Interior Decoration, Interior design

Here is my most loved piece of furniture standing proud against the depth of the purple wall, my gallery wall. In order to show the piece in its glory I have chosen a few personal items to bring it to life. The colour of the green in the plants looks stunning with the purple and picks up the green in this original, abstract piece above. The striking orange sits beautifully with the other items, the real treasure being how none of the items are lost. You can see each piece separately and the effect of the whole story.

Photo frames are of different design, all bringing to the table something different, something unique, me. Try not to be afraid of mixing styles up, this is what creates visual impact. I do not normally use more than one of the same item however in this example a standalone plant of this size would not have created the same impact.

I do not believe in matching in the basic sense of the word, this makes a home look ‘uniform’. This vintage bear I found at a car boot sale, at only a few pounds looks perfect stood next to the photo frame. My answer to a lot of my interiors and to my life in general is “why not”.

Interiors should be about personality and all of the areas of your home should show yours. I think a truly beautiful, inspiring home is one where you walk in and you immediately know who the home belongs to. You can see that person or those people in it.

Your home should not be a ‘show’ home, it should be ‘your’ home. Sophie Marie

If you walk around your home, do you see things or do you see people? Things being used to describe items that are ‘in vogue’ or the latest colour. It is apparent when this has happened as you will see lots of that type of item and lots of items in that particular colour, overkill.

Less is always more and although there are a few items on this sideboard, the items are carefully chosen to create a feeling of oneness, happiness and in keeping with me. The people in a home should always be at the forefront of how and what you decorate or design not just material things for the sake of decoration. If you only have one or two items of decoration that you love, just use those. You do not have to ‘fill’ a room, doing so will lose character and this is the essence of what you are looking to create.

I believe that is when you go from a house to a home. A home is filled with you, the people that you love and all of your personalities echoing in each room.

Next time you buy something for your home ask yourself “do I like it or is it me?”. I guarantee if it is you it will be cherished and kept for a long time and not updated with the next season.

The world is not throw away so why should your home be. Sophie Marie

Original, abstract piece available for sale (see Gallery)

‘Somewhere’  Acrylic on canvas 30 x 24.5″ £75

 

With inspiration

 

Sophie Marie

 

Connecting deeper to your core

Belief, Hope, Inspire, Minimalism, Self love, Share the love, Uncategorized

As I looked back to see how long it has been since my last post, I realised that I still had a draft post which I had forgotten to publish. I think I was waiting for a photo and then forgot in the midst of life at the moment. Forget the photo for now I have just sent it out.

I have been thinking about how I have not been writing for quite a while. To be honest, with the challenges I have going on at the moment I have been focusing on these and as such I have felt a bit stuck about posting however much I wanted to. I have felt a barrier which I have not liked but have accepted. The positive is that I have been working really hard on these current life challenges, I am no longer prepared to be silent or to keep my voice hidden, me hidden as I do not deserve to hide. I truly believe that all of this is happening for a reason and that I need to face and come to terms with how life was previously before I chose me and my freedom. I let out a deeper breath. I know there is work to be done here and it will come out when it is ready.

A friend of mine had to cancel coffee and catch up this morning, I was disappointed as this was something for me, time away from everything that I had given to myself and was looking forward to. I am still doing what I would have done and just had a nice stroll through the park just reflecting on life, nature and myself and I am treating myself to a coffee whilst I write. With funds as they are at the moment coffee is a big luxury however one coffee will be ok as I need and deserve this time for me, to reflect, to offload, to come to terms with things, to release. I need to be with myself today and love myself more.

I am really happy that I am still meditating every single night before bed and have also increased to sometimes during the day as well. I truly love meditation and how it makes me feel. It really is something that you build on and learn to build into your life with other kinds of self care and I know it is something that I would like to expand on in many ways. It is a way of keeping a protective barrier around you, it enables you to go deeper within yourself and almost like digging really deep within yourself and giving yourself a big hug. That is how I describe it anyway. I guess for me it connects to feeling closer to God and I am learning more every day what I think that means for me. I feel that this feeling of being closer to God and more protected going through struggles and challenges is me being closer to myself. When I used to hear in church about God being in you I never could connect with that concept however more recently I have felt more connection. I feel God is around/in me and I am around/in God as God for me is a higher, deeper state of being and I know that I have reached this deeper state of being lately. I have connected even deeper to myself and I have found that as this has happened I have felt so much less isolated.

I feel that the isolation I have felt is an isolation from some parts of myself and because I have still not got deep enough in myself and with myself. I do feel connected to myself and thankfully have done for a while however I now feel a deeper connection as I know I am connecting and getting in touch even more with my true being, my true self and this is where the isolation dissipates. I am feeling what I want more and more and what I feel I would like to be doing in my life at the moment, what is calling to me at my core.

I have been putting out a few more of our personal items around our home and this has felt so good. It has been lovely and so exciting to see items that have been packed away put out on display and looking at our home as a whole with all the aspects of it. I really love our home and all of the work that I am doing in it. I saved a shelf from a vintage bookcase that I bought a while ago as the shelf itself is stunning. It is very plain however the colour of it will look beautiful against the dark purple walls and I am going to look in a while for some brackets to hold the shelf up. I have the idea in my mind and I would like to try and get that designed this weekend if not today. I have an industrial hanging light, very subdued on the wall in my living room alcove and my idea now is to put the shelf near this light and display some other items of ours on this area. I get creative ideas for items that I may have saved a long time ago or that had previously been used elsewhere and I can then visualise giving them a new life in a different place. This excites me greatly, this is when I can connect with my deeper self, my truest self as I feel like a kid in a sweet shop after having eaten all of the sweets also. I love the feeling.

I feel at home writing and I feel very blessed that I am able to write and also that I dare to write. I do not filter what I am writing as I want it to be just as it is when it comes out of me, real and raw as nothing else really fits with me or feels right. It is not about trying to sound good or intelligent or anything, it is simply me taking out what is in my brain and putting it on down on paper or as in right now on a laptop. I know I should be writing more and not stopping when life gets tough however I am still learning as we all are so I am not going to beat myself up about that. I have made some huge steps over the last month and ones which I am truly proud of however in all honestly despite me saying this it also fills me with anxiety literally as I write about it as I do know that I have not processed all of this yet. As I say this I realise that this is probably what is causing my anxiety, I know there is a lot to reflect on and accept and process and then in time feel, grieve for and then let go and this will also take me to another level.

I have been getting rid of more things in the house, trying to sell a few bits and donating others to charity which helps others as well as myself as I do connect more with an organised, minimal space. For me organised is not about control, it is about making life easier for myself having a space for things and knowing where things are, only being surrounded by what I need and or love and also about respect. Respect for our items in so far as being able to see them, really see them and treasuring them as I do. It is about my self worth also. It is like the tidy house tidy mind attitude however I believe also for me that it is tidy mind tidy house. When I am feeling connected with myself I like our home to look more organised, it is easier, easier to keep tidy, easier to clean, just easier and calm and with it all being decorated and designed to my personality, it just feels right and natural and free. I feel free.

I am really happy to be writing, I love how I can just type literally what comes up in my brain and in doing so release me as well as connect me. I would like to write more in different ways and I hope to be able to fulfil this for myself. It all comes from me and it all comes from you. Only we can do it and we have to do it not only for ourselves but for others, to help show them the way, to encourage, to inspire, to pass on. We must always pass on as you never know when you need someone to pass on to you. Lets make life better for everyone, share what you know and others will do the same. We all benefit from other people, others ideas, others skills and experience and others love.

Share the love always

Sophie Marie xx