Seeing light at the end of the tunnel

Baby steps, Beauty, Embrace true self, enge, Fear, Follow own path, Good enough, Growth, Interior design, Life, Light, Organisation, Patience, Small steps, Uncategorized, Unique, Write

Hi all, I wanted to write today about the importance and effectiveness of baby steps and slowly chipping away at a job/project. I have been working on our home since we moved in over three years ago. I remember having so many creative ideas, my creative juices were not just flowing they were overflowing. I knew, or thought I knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it to be done. I also fell foul to my impatience. A heady mix of enthusiasm, passion and excitement rolled up in a large blanket of impatience. The truth is, we are all impatient at times. Some people decide they want to lose weight and are disillusioned when they don’t lose what they want to by a given time. Others decide to take on a project and wonder what is wrong with them when they don’t achieve certain results in a timely manner. We are all guilty of wanting quick results, a faster turnaround or set ourselves unrealistic goals which all inevitably fail. People like to see what they want and with this they only see the end result and how to get there in the least amount of time. This method, although may work in some areas temporarily, only serve to end in disappointment as it doesn’t have long standing sustainability.

People are lazy. I don’t mean to sound harsh but it is true. People like instant gratification. When it doesn’t happen the result is blame. We blame ourselves and judge ourselves harshly or we blame someone else for our lack of progress. The truth is, long lasting results can only be achieved with a long standing method. Sounds simple. In theory yes so why do so many people still do it. Why do we set ourselves up for a fall. Why do we think getting something quick is the best way, a good way. Do we think we are more intelligent if we do it quicker or are we trying to prove something to someone else. If we get there before others, does this mean we are better, more worthy. No. If you want to be quicker, there will always be someone before you that has already done it quicker. It follows the same lines of there will always be someone smarter, thinner, taller, than you. If you think of it in this context you will never win. In this way, there is always someone else involved and when we try and compete, be better we are basically saying that we alone are not good enough. I am not saying do not have goals or strive to be more, just use yourself as the goal and build your own scale of progress.

Despite living in the same world, we were born with unique skills and capabilities. We need to use these and learn to understand that life was not created to follow a path. You were given life. You are unique and as such you need to learn that your life is also unique. Society tells us that we go to school then college, university, get a great job, get married, have a child and all in that order. When life doesn’t go exactly this way people wonder what is wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you. You may be just following the wrong path. Your path may not go in that order or even have those aspects within it. People like to know what they are doing and where they are going. They do not like the unknown. People fear the unknown, it creates uncomfortable feelings which people want to run from. Anything unknown will always have an element of fear this is natural. The only way to get past this is to try. Once you have done it once fear loses its power as it is no longer an unknown. Each time you do it becomes less of an unknown and more of a known. This is when you have the power. Fear is not necessarily a bad thing, we need fear to guide us and to challenge us in our thinking and doing. As scary as this may sound to some, there is no plan or rule book to life and what you have heard is from fairytales or from black and white thinking. The world is not black and white. The world is full of colour, accents, shades and tones and the only way to see the amazing variations in colour is to start looking at yourself and understanding that you have a unique path which only you know. It is up to you to start looking at what feels right to you, what fits with you and how that can fit into your life/path. There is no life path, only your path.

Sophie Marie

When you start to do this, you learn to understand the beauty in small steps. When I started decorating and designing our home I decided in my head that I would complete the whole house in a few months. As I write this now I laugh. My creativity was there, my passion and excitement however what I failed to do was to look at achievability. Was this achievable? I was passionate, would this not help? I was capable, did this not count for something? Yes, of course these all help to achieve but were my goals achievable? No, of course not. I thought I could because it is what I wanted. Pure and simple. I wanted it done quick and I thought that was enough. How funny. Quite ridiculous to write and read this. We all do it. It doesn’t make us bad people or stupid, it makes us human. What is so powerful is when you learn the beauty in seeing your own progress.

I regularly have to stop and reflect on how different our home is compared to how it was when we bought it. I sometimes get impatient and beat myself up for not yet having a finished home. This is when I have to stop and look around. Simply look at the beautiful, opulent colour on our walls. The stunning lamp that sits beautifully in an alcove next to a yellow photo frame. This is one of my favourite areas and I created it. It was bare, then I painted it. I then spent time looking for the perfect piece (perfect to me) and patiently waited until the right piece presented itself to me. I did it. It took time, there was no quick process and I was very patient at times.

I am not interested in buying for the sake of it or doing a rush buy. I am only interested in buying what is right for our home. All the pieces match my personality which is paramount to me. We live in our home, not a home. There is a huge difference. A friend came to mine Saturday and I was able to show her a few new things that we have invested in since she was last here. It gave me another chance to show the progress and for my friend to see where the house is now. They also get a chance to share in the beauty of my process. Saturday was a big day for me as it was the first day in a while that I could see the accumulation of all my/our hard work. I am including my daughter here as she does help me and spends time helping to organise her bedroom so that she knows where everything is and all her belongings have a place. She puts up with me when impatience kicks in and I get overexcited and embarrassing about storage.

It is hard to explain how it felt. It was a deep feeling, one that hit me hard in a nice way. I was in the kitchen and it just came over me. I realised how most places in the house are organised now. All the baby steps have taken form. Each drawer I tidied out, each item I found a home for and countless bags I gave to charity. The baby steps are the beauty steps. You can not always see the benefit of each small task however it is the accumulation of tiny steps that has led me here. Led me to this warm, touching feeling. This feeling of immense pride and shock. Shock that I can see what a difference there is. It feels like it has just happened but it hasn’t. The baby steps have added up and there is now a massive clearing. The overriding feeling has stayed with me, I can feel it strongly as I write. It feels light. It feels clear, ethereal. It is a beautiful feeling. The beauty of light.

Go and take your first baby step. Where will it take you?

With hope and love

Sophie Marie

How my clothes help me embrace my personality

Clothes, Free, Freedom, Good enough, Growth, Helping others, Personality, Quietly confident, Say yes to rest, Soul, Spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized, Writer, writing

For me, like my home my clothes are a big part of who I am and is another way that I can embrace being me. I do not like to look like anyone else and I do not like to wear whatever is ‘in fashion’. This is just another way that people conform to the masses, look like robots and follow each other. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people do this. I always say I do not like to look like anyone else but what that really means to me is that I just want to be me. I always knew that I thought about life and clothes in a different way to others and this at times has caused me to wonder what was wrong with me. Why did I think one way when a lot of people who I knew or were around seemed to view the world differently. I have written before about how I used to be when I was younger, in primary school. This was the true representation of who I was. Quietly confident in who I was and what I liked even though this was sometimes random or ununusual. I didn’t care. I did not even think about it. I just did. I just was and I was free.

When you experience trauma in your life, it changes you. Simple. Trauma changes life as you know it, trauma changes you, trauma changed me. It affects every single aspect of your life. The way you see the world, the way you view people, your own safety or lack of it, the way that you see yourself, the way that you present yourself. As I write this, hiding is the big word that keeps popping up. I do not want to write too much just now on this as I feel a poem will best help me to put this into words. When I write I like to feel. Sometimes, the words only feel surface and I feel that I want to go deeper and express more. It must be time, I must be ready and it feels safe. It feels special and important and something that I want to share. I remember when I kept everything to myself. All my struggles, all my pain. I am now in a place where I no longer want to hide, I just want to share. I want to share and inspire. I hope to inspire, just be being me. When we think we have to do more, be more. When I finally accepted that I am enough as I am, my life started changing for the better. When I stopped, I started. It is a big fear for lots of people that if they slow down, rest or stop then everything will crash down. You do have to experience it for yourself but I can tell you honestly from my own experience that the opposite is so true. The more you stop, the more you can keep going and growing. It feels magical. It is magical but not magic. It is real, it is you. You are not different, you have just gone deeper. You have touched a depth in your soul that turns on a light so powerful it can never extinguish. If you feel like the light has gone, dimmed down then don’t look outward, go deeper within. Deeper within you.

For now I will leave you with this as I want to walk and reflect before I write more.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading my thoughts, supporting me in my journey and enabling me to support and inspire others.

With love as always

Sophie Marie x

Are you good enough?

Embrace true self, God, Good enough, Growth, Happiness, Hope, Inspire, Learning, Meditation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Self love, Share yourself, Transformation, writing

I am writing this from pages from my previous journal. I can’t give it an exact date however it could be a year ago. I wrote about being ‘good enough’ and this is what I wrote. “The good enough is like up past me, up higher than me. I guess I have always been unconsciously and consciously striving to be good enough but never getting there. Getting there is not real. I don’t feel like I am good enough. This makes sense as this is like I am not a ? person. I am not ? I am me. I will never be ? as I am me. I can not get to not real, I can only get to reality. It is like striving for a fantasy. I am struggling to find the right word. As I say it and write about it I see good enough as up there and high up. I can see that when I have got higher up that this will still not be up enough”.

“The thing is, this good enough is never ending. It just goes higher and higher, on and on. What and/or where am I trying to get to? If I am at a certain height, will I be good enough then? Will I be enough then? Will I be satisfied? Will I be happier? If I got to a specific height, what would I be? If I carry on like this I will never be satified. Have I been striving for perfection or have I been striving to be me? Also, I should be satisfied and happy with who I am now. In the here and now and not who I will become. I am who I am now. I am good enough now. Do I believe this?”

“I will always evolve and grow and mature and change, however I will always still be me. I was me when I was born, I am me now. I am who I am and I am good enough as I am now”.

I wrote something that didn’t quite make sense as I read it back however it was about me not feeling good enough and that I felt ‘good enough’ related to someone else. I wanted to write about this today as it is something that I have thought a lot about recently and one which has had a huge impact on me as of late.

I do not know exactly when my mindset changed. As I sit and reflect, I know there was no pinnacle moment of change, no aha moment. There is an accumulation of growth, understanding and spiritual change. It is a result of all the self development work that I have been doing every day for the past few years. Positive changes do not appear from nowhere despite how it may appear sometimes. They are not the result of luck or miracle. They are the result of hard work, dedication and constant striving to be the best that I can be. The difference now is that everything comes natural. What I do is what I want to do. How I express myself is how I wish to express myself. How I live is how I choose to live. I found God, in me and started to open myself up to whatever and however I chose to express myself. I continue to do this.

I am struggling to write this piece today. I do not know whether it is because I am attempting to write from a previous started piece or that is has been a short while since I wrote. I wanted to be honest with myself and you so that we know it is ok not to always write fluently and at ease. The important point is to just write or just do, whatever it may be. Stumble through it sometimes if you need to, it is ok. Give yourself a break from thinking that everything has to automatically flow and sound great the first time you write. I am sure we all have these days, just stay with it and you never know what will materialise. As I write this my words flow easier. I feel this is because I am connecting to my deeper self which is where I thrive. I can feel in myself when I am more at ease with myself and my writing. The words come easier and I am no longer second guessing them. This is when I am natural, my favourite way of being. The only way of being for me.

Being honest with myself and others about what I believe to be true and how I value my own voice has been a huge catalyst in my spiritual journey and how I feel inside. Around this time I started my website and blog and I now express my true voice. I express myself through my writing, art and interiors amongst others and it enables me to connect deeply with myself. I connect with my inner core and with this I am at one with God (myself). All fear is gone in terms of putting myself out there whether through words or art. I do not worry that others will take from me, steal my ideas or anything negative. There is no thought. There just is. There is just doing. This is when I know I am authentic as everything comes naturally. When I overthink or question, I know I am slightly disconnected and everything comes easy when it comes from deep within. When you are connected to God (you) you are connected. This is when the magic happens. The beauty that is you. Just being your true self and all that comes from this way of being. I wish for everyone to reach this way of being, this level of connection. It is not a quick process. It is a lifelong commitment to yourself. If you knew how amazing it felt you would not hesitate to make the commitment. If you do not make a commitment to yourself, no one else will. You are worth it. We all are.

We all have the deep knowing of our worth however deep down it is. This is inherent within us as it is a part of us. We are not searching (although you may think this) for something external to connect with/to and/or complete you. What you think you need/want is inside you. The more you search externally, the colder you are. Think of the game hide and seek. When you get closer you are said to be warmer. The further away you are, you are said to be colder. This rings very true if you really think about it. People that constantly chase the external are not happy and this makes sense as you are further away from what you really want and need. Being further away from yourself and who you are as a person you will be colder as you are less connected. This really does make so much sense to me now. I say it is not a miracle however it actually feels like it. I wonder if all people that have reached this level of connection and being feels the same.

I really do believe that the most important factor in achieving this level of connection to God, your highest sense, is meditation. I still meditate every night although I am going to incorporate daily meditation as I am finding I fall asleep at night before my meditation ends. When I started to listen to motivational speakers and to people that were enlightened/living from a deeper sense of being the one thing that they all had in common was that they all had a daily meditation practice. I believe it is like many things in life, that you can not fully understand the benefits until you see and feel them yourself. When you feel the protective force (can not think of the correct word here) of meditation, you no longer feel alone. You are not alone and you never will be as you always have yourself. This is when the externals of life become a bonus rather than essential/a need.

I know this is a long post. I know I am now writing from my core as I could write and write and never stop. It is free flowing and organic. I am free. You will always be free when you come from within, when you are connected to your spirit. This is life. Pure life.

I know I do not need to get to a specific point to be fulfilled. I am fulfilled now. I am me now. I am connected to myself now. I accept me now, exactly as I am and exactly where I am. I am not just good enough. I am more than good enough. I am me and I am home. There is no place I would rather be.

With life, hope and love

Sophie Marie x