When you are aligned with the universe

Belief, Connecting, Embrace true self, Faith, Freedom, God, Good karma, Happiness, Helping others, Hiding, Inner child, Inspire, Kindness, Peace, Self love, Share the love, Share yourself, Spirituality, trauma, universe alignment

Hi all, I hope everyone is well. If you are going through any challenges, don’t forget that you can do this. You are stronger than you know and you will come out the other side stronger after having learnt more lessons. Remember that the challenges are not being fired at you as a punishment but as a gift. The universe does not give you what you want, it gives you what you need. You are doing this.

It has been a while since I last wrote. I have been working on other things and have just returned from a brilliant week in Brighton for the holidays and to celebrate my birthday. There is so much that I want to write about however as usual I am just getting on with it. No filter, just going for it. What will come out will come out. I am just being free. I am just being me.

I wrote recently about good karma and as my daughter will tell you good karma is my new favourite saying. Probably getting a tad annoying for her but hey ho. Good things are still coming into my path, from a kind girl giving away her tickets to us at the pier so that we can choose some keepsake goodies to a free coffee on the train. With each new token of kindness I feel more and more blessed and the feelings flood through me that the universe is working with me. I am not alone, I have not felt alone for a very long time as I have a deep faith inside of me that I know everything will be ok and all the things that I have been working on, building in my life will take me to some big places. By big I mean big in the spiritual sense. It feels kind of weird when I reflect on it that I just believe however it is natural and organic. It just is and I just believe. It is a very comforting feeling, very safe. As I write the word safe I cry. I cry as I remember how at many times in my life I have felt anything but safe. How at many times in my life I didn’t know what safe was. At the worst point in my life I was even scared of my own shadow. I am not going deep into that part now however I know that my writing calls on me. It calls on me to connect. I know now that I not only need to connect but I have to. I know it is a part of me that I have to share, a part of me that I now want to share . I think back to all the times that I kept myself hidden away where I thought I was safe, where no one could hurt me or use me or abuse me. At times I guess I didn’t even know I was hiding but I must have been. It was my safe haven, my self protection, my armour. The only problem is that when you shut away a part of you to keep the bad out you also shut out other possibilities. When you are closed nothing and no one can enter.

I am very emotional writing this tonight but they are happy tears. Tears of sadness for my old self that hadn’t yet learnt to love herself. I thought there was something wrong with me, I never felt like I fit in or that I was good enough. I cry for the little girl,me. I was sweet and innocent and lost the spark that made me me. The part of me that made me free. The part that had no filter, I just did and I just said and I love her. I love all of her. I love all of me. I love the me now that is sat writing in my jeans and my new hoody that I have been looking for for a while. A big, mungy dark blue hoody with I heart Brighton on it. Its tacky and I bloody love it. I feel safe and cosy and warm and loved and at peace. I always go back to what my old counsellor told me years ago, words that will still with me forever. He said “you will do great things”. I believed him then even though I did not know in what capacity and I believe it now even more so. I started writing a book a couple of years ago then I didn’t write for a bit and went on to set up my website and blog where I have been writing ever since. I know I need and want to finish writing my book. I am not sure as yet how to carry on where I left off as I feel like I have done that just in a different writing space. I will look at it tomorrow and I am sure after a while I will know what to do. I truly believe that having an autobiography is great however for me I don’t want to read a celebrity (whatever that means) book. I want to read the real life, nitty gritty of a local working person. Someone that has been through trauma and a lot of different challenges and as lots of people say is”still smiling”. I want to read real and raw and I want to laugh and cry with someone. To connect with someone’s pain the way I connect with an artist singing. When I can hear and feel every bit of their pain and fight and strength and courage. This is what I want to write and I am sure there are other people like me that want to read the same. This is why it is so important to me to write my book and not only that, to get it published. I want to make people feel, connect people and inspire people. I really do believe now that I am not just good at my job, being a counsellor. I can say honestly, with depth that I believe supporting people in the way that I do is my gift from God. I also now believe that my gift is also supporting people in other ways, through my art and writing. For me I am still doing the same thing, I am just reaching out in different ways. I am using the whole of me and it feels amazing.

I have a week by myself whilst my daughter is with her dad and I am going to use this week to exercise (try at least) catch up with my beautiful friends for my belated birthday celebrations , write more and create. If the sun shines that will be a bonus however I am happy either way as the sun is always shining in my life. I am as ever truly blessed.

May you learn that the sun is always shining

With deep love and admiration

Sophie Marie

Are you good enough?

Embrace true self, God, Good enough, Growth, Happiness, Hope, Inspire, Learning, Meditation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Self love, Share yourself, Transformation, writing

I am writing this from pages from my previous journal. I can’t give it an exact date however it could be a year ago. I wrote about being ‘good enough’ and this is what I wrote. “The good enough is like up past me, up higher than me. I guess I have always been unconsciously and consciously striving to be good enough but never getting there. Getting there is not real. I don’t feel like I am good enough. This makes sense as this is like I am not a ? person. I am not ? I am me. I will never be ? as I am me. I can not get to not real, I can only get to reality. It is like striving for a fantasy. I am struggling to find the right word. As I say it and write about it I see good enough as up there and high up. I can see that when I have got higher up that this will still not be up enough”.

“The thing is, this good enough is never ending. It just goes higher and higher, on and on. What and/or where am I trying to get to? If I am at a certain height, will I be good enough then? Will I be enough then? Will I be satisfied? Will I be happier? If I got to a specific height, what would I be? If I carry on like this I will never be satified. Have I been striving for perfection or have I been striving to be me? Also, I should be satisfied and happy with who I am now. In the here and now and not who I will become. I am who I am now. I am good enough now. Do I believe this?”

“I will always evolve and grow and mature and change, however I will always still be me. I was me when I was born, I am me now. I am who I am and I am good enough as I am now”.

I wrote something that didn’t quite make sense as I read it back however it was about me not feeling good enough and that I felt ‘good enough’ related to someone else. I wanted to write about this today as it is something that I have thought a lot about recently and one which has had a huge impact on me as of late.

I do not know exactly when my mindset changed. As I sit and reflect, I know there was no pinnacle moment of change, no aha moment. There is an accumulation of growth, understanding and spiritual change. It is a result of all the self development work that I have been doing every day for the past few years. Positive changes do not appear from nowhere despite how it may appear sometimes. They are not the result of luck or miracle. They are the result of hard work, dedication and constant striving to be the best that I can be. The difference now is that everything comes natural. What I do is what I want to do. How I express myself is how I wish to express myself. How I live is how I choose to live. I found God, in me and started to open myself up to whatever and however I chose to express myself. I continue to do this.

I am struggling to write this piece today. I do not know whether it is because I am attempting to write from a previous started piece or that is has been a short while since I wrote. I wanted to be honest with myself and you so that we know it is ok not to always write fluently and at ease. The important point is to just write or just do, whatever it may be. Stumble through it sometimes if you need to, it is ok. Give yourself a break from thinking that everything has to automatically flow and sound great the first time you write. I am sure we all have these days, just stay with it and you never know what will materialise. As I write this my words flow easier. I feel this is because I am connecting to my deeper self which is where I thrive. I can feel in myself when I am more at ease with myself and my writing. The words come easier and I am no longer second guessing them. This is when I am natural, my favourite way of being. The only way of being for me.

Being honest with myself and others about what I believe to be true and how I value my own voice has been a huge catalyst in my spiritual journey and how I feel inside. Around this time I started my website and blog and I now express my true voice. I express myself through my writing, art and interiors amongst others and it enables me to connect deeply with myself. I connect with my inner core and with this I am at one with God (myself). All fear is gone in terms of putting myself out there whether through words or art. I do not worry that others will take from me, steal my ideas or anything negative. There is no thought. There just is. There is just doing. This is when I know I am authentic as everything comes naturally. When I overthink or question, I know I am slightly disconnected and everything comes easy when it comes from deep within. When you are connected to God (you) you are connected. This is when the magic happens. The beauty that is you. Just being your true self and all that comes from this way of being. I wish for everyone to reach this way of being, this level of connection. It is not a quick process. It is a lifelong commitment to yourself. If you knew how amazing it felt you would not hesitate to make the commitment. If you do not make a commitment to yourself, no one else will. You are worth it. We all are.

We all have the deep knowing of our worth however deep down it is. This is inherent within us as it is a part of us. We are not searching (although you may think this) for something external to connect with/to and/or complete you. What you think you need/want is inside you. The more you search externally, the colder you are. Think of the game hide and seek. When you get closer you are said to be warmer. The further away you are, you are said to be colder. This rings very true if you really think about it. People that constantly chase the external are not happy and this makes sense as you are further away from what you really want and need. Being further away from yourself and who you are as a person you will be colder as you are less connected. This really does make so much sense to me now. I say it is not a miracle however it actually feels like it. I wonder if all people that have reached this level of connection and being feels the same.

I really do believe that the most important factor in achieving this level of connection to God, your highest sense, is meditation. I still meditate every night although I am going to incorporate daily meditation as I am finding I fall asleep at night before my meditation ends. When I started to listen to motivational speakers and to people that were enlightened/living from a deeper sense of being the one thing that they all had in common was that they all had a daily meditation practice. I believe it is like many things in life, that you can not fully understand the benefits until you see and feel them yourself. When you feel the protective force (can not think of the correct word here) of meditation, you no longer feel alone. You are not alone and you never will be as you always have yourself. This is when the externals of life become a bonus rather than essential/a need.

I know this is a long post. I know I am now writing from my core as I could write and write and never stop. It is free flowing and organic. I am free. You will always be free when you come from within, when you are connected to your spirit. This is life. Pure life.

I know I do not need to get to a specific point to be fulfilled. I am fulfilled now. I am me now. I am connected to myself now. I accept me now, exactly as I am and exactly where I am. I am not just good enough. I am more than good enough. I am me and I am home. There is no place I would rather be.

With life, hope and love

Sophie Marie x