Seeing light at the end of the tunnel

Baby steps, Beauty, Embrace true self, enge, Fear, Follow own path, Good enough, Growth, Interior design, Life, Light, Organisation, Patience, Small steps, Uncategorized, Unique, Write

Hi all, I wanted to write today about the importance and effectiveness of baby steps and slowly chipping away at a job/project. I have been working on our home since we moved in over three years ago. I remember having so many creative ideas, my creative juices were not just flowing they were overflowing. I knew, or thought I knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it to be done. I also fell foul to my impatience. A heady mix of enthusiasm, passion and excitement rolled up in a large blanket of impatience. The truth is, we are all impatient at times. Some people decide they want to lose weight and are disillusioned when they don’t lose what they want to by a given time. Others decide to take on a project and wonder what is wrong with them when they don’t achieve certain results in a timely manner. We are all guilty of wanting quick results, a faster turnaround or set ourselves unrealistic goals which all inevitably fail. People like to see what they want and with this they only see the end result and how to get there in the least amount of time. This method, although may work in some areas temporarily, only serve to end in disappointment as it doesn’t have long standing sustainability.

People are lazy. I don’t mean to sound harsh but it is true. People like instant gratification. When it doesn’t happen the result is blame. We blame ourselves and judge ourselves harshly or we blame someone else for our lack of progress. The truth is, long lasting results can only be achieved with a long standing method. Sounds simple. In theory yes so why do so many people still do it. Why do we set ourselves up for a fall. Why do we think getting something quick is the best way, a good way. Do we think we are more intelligent if we do it quicker or are we trying to prove something to someone else. If we get there before others, does this mean we are better, more worthy. No. If you want to be quicker, there will always be someone before you that has already done it quicker. It follows the same lines of there will always be someone smarter, thinner, taller, than you. If you think of it in this context you will never win. In this way, there is always someone else involved and when we try and compete, be better we are basically saying that we alone are not good enough. I am not saying do not have goals or strive to be more, just use yourself as the goal and build your own scale of progress.

Despite living in the same world, we were born with unique skills and capabilities. We need to use these and learn to understand that life was not created to follow a path. You were given life. You are unique and as such you need to learn that your life is also unique. Society tells us that we go to school then college, university, get a great job, get married, have a child and all in that order. When life doesn’t go exactly this way people wonder what is wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you. You may be just following the wrong path. Your path may not go in that order or even have those aspects within it. People like to know what they are doing and where they are going. They do not like the unknown. People fear the unknown, it creates uncomfortable feelings which people want to run from. Anything unknown will always have an element of fear this is natural. The only way to get past this is to try. Once you have done it once fear loses its power as it is no longer an unknown. Each time you do it becomes less of an unknown and more of a known. This is when you have the power. Fear is not necessarily a bad thing, we need fear to guide us and to challenge us in our thinking and doing. As scary as this may sound to some, there is no plan or rule book to life and what you have heard is from fairytales or from black and white thinking. The world is not black and white. The world is full of colour, accents, shades and tones and the only way to see the amazing variations in colour is to start looking at yourself and understanding that you have a unique path which only you know. It is up to you to start looking at what feels right to you, what fits with you and how that can fit into your life/path. There is no life path, only your path.

Sophie Marie

When you start to do this, you learn to understand the beauty in small steps. When I started decorating and designing our home I decided in my head that I would complete the whole house in a few months. As I write this now I laugh. My creativity was there, my passion and excitement however what I failed to do was to look at achievability. Was this achievable? I was passionate, would this not help? I was capable, did this not count for something? Yes, of course these all help to achieve but were my goals achievable? No, of course not. I thought I could because it is what I wanted. Pure and simple. I wanted it done quick and I thought that was enough. How funny. Quite ridiculous to write and read this. We all do it. It doesn’t make us bad people or stupid, it makes us human. What is so powerful is when you learn the beauty in seeing your own progress.

I regularly have to stop and reflect on how different our home is compared to how it was when we bought it. I sometimes get impatient and beat myself up for not yet having a finished home. This is when I have to stop and look around. Simply look at the beautiful, opulent colour on our walls. The stunning lamp that sits beautifully in an alcove next to a yellow photo frame. This is one of my favourite areas and I created it. It was bare, then I painted it. I then spent time looking for the perfect piece (perfect to me) and patiently waited until the right piece presented itself to me. I did it. It took time, there was no quick process and I was very patient at times.

I am not interested in buying for the sake of it or doing a rush buy. I am only interested in buying what is right for our home. All the pieces match my personality which is paramount to me. We live in our home, not a home. There is a huge difference. A friend came to mine Saturday and I was able to show her a few new things that we have invested in since she was last here. It gave me another chance to show the progress and for my friend to see where the house is now. They also get a chance to share in the beauty of my process. Saturday was a big day for me as it was the first day in a while that I could see the accumulation of all my/our hard work. I am including my daughter here as she does help me and spends time helping to organise her bedroom so that she knows where everything is and all her belongings have a place. She puts up with me when impatience kicks in and I get overexcited and embarrassing about storage.

It is hard to explain how it felt. It was a deep feeling, one that hit me hard in a nice way. I was in the kitchen and it just came over me. I realised how most places in the house are organised now. All the baby steps have taken form. Each drawer I tidied out, each item I found a home for and countless bags I gave to charity. The baby steps are the beauty steps. You can not always see the benefit of each small task however it is the accumulation of tiny steps that has led me here. Led me to this warm, touching feeling. This feeling of immense pride and shock. Shock that I can see what a difference there is. It feels like it has just happened but it hasn’t. The baby steps have added up and there is now a massive clearing. The overriding feeling has stayed with me, I can feel it strongly as I write. It feels light. It feels clear, ethereal. It is a beautiful feeling. The beauty of light.

Go and take your first baby step. Where will it take you?

With hope and love

Sophie Marie

Manifesting what you want in life and trusting the universe

Belief, Connect, Connecting, Embrace true self, Faith, Free, Freedom, God, Growth, Helping others, Hope, Inspire, Learning, Life, Light, Living at depth, Meditation, Share the love, Share yourself, Soul, Spirituality, Trusting the universe, universe alignment

It has been way too long since I wrote. I am not going to beat myself up for it, it is what it is and I am here now. As I allow things to just be and embrace them for what they are and the timing of events I can keep faith that what I need will come to me when the time is ready. That said, on occasion I realise, as I did recently that if there are particular areas of my life that are not growing it is up to me to look into this. I have often wondered why I was only achieving a certain number of clients in my business and why this was. It was then that I realised I had a blockage.

Money for me has a negative connotation attached to it. My experience of money was that it was used to control and to buy my attention amongst other things. I lived a previous life of being ‘bought’. The presents all being a way of feeding anothers ego rather than coming from a place of love. I learnt the hard way, maybe the only way, that people who are genuinely being themselves do not have to ‘prove’ anything. They just are. Actions speak louder than words. I want people to show me they care and love me. Words are cheap.

Back to the money. Due to my negative experiences that I had attached in some ways to money, I was stuck in an unconscious cycle of money is bad. Money is greed. Money is control. The reality of this is that yes, sometimes it can be; however it is not a given. It is like saying all men/women are bad because we have had bad experiences with them. We get stuck in our own story that we tell ourselves and believe it to be fact. Anything that stems from a negative experience will never be fact or rational as we are coming from a place of high emotion. We are stuck in that experience, in that time. Only when we realise this can we start to question our own story, our own reality of a situation or in my case of a word. We can then free ourselves and make our own healthy narrative.

Since I became aware of my financial blockage I have been working on releasing this through meditation focusing on this area. I am reflecting why I have this block and the emotions connected to it. I can then work on manifesting financial freedom and abundance through meditation and unblocking my energy chakras. Since I have been putting my focus and positive energy into this I have five new clients.

I am aware that if you are reading this you may be thinking “what a load of rubbish”. I am not naive, I would have said the same thing years ago. What I want to point out is that I am not saying you can become unstuck and gain more financial freedom just by thinking about it and visualising it. This would be a very naive way of thinking. Life is not just going to hand you things on a silver platter whilst you sit on your backside wishing life to be different. I think this can sometimes be the misconception for people hearing and learning about working with the universe. Like anything in life, you can not just wish for a great job and get one without you having to do anything. It is about how you live your life. Life is about putting in the work, working on yourself, learning, learning from the mistakes. Life is not passive however life is twofold. If you are working on becoming a better version of yourself, being more aware, putting yourself out there, applying for jobs i.e. , improving in the meantime, growing your skill level that is the first step. The next step and probably the hardest for most people is faith. I don’t necessarily mean faith in god unless this is what you believe. I mean faith in whatever that means for you. Faith in yourself. Faith in others. Faith in the universe. Faith and patience. You may think and I often think the same, that you have put in all this work, done everything that you can think of to achieve what you want and nothing is happening. You don’t yet have this ‘job’ or ‘relationship’. The universe is not trying to torture you, it is teaching you. It is working for you even if you can not see it. I am experiencing this at the moment. I know how much I am doing everyday to work on myself and how I feel I am ‘ready’ for a relationship, I have to trust and have faith that if I do not have it yet the universe still has lessons for me to learn, other areas that I need to grow in, other things I need to achieve for ‘me’ before this happens. I have to be patient, well try at least with faith that what I ‘need’ will come when it is ready. It is not about what I want, it is about what I need.

Feels really good to be back writing. Tapping back into myself and what makes me me. It helps me open myself up more, to myself and in turn to others and to the universe. I will try and catch up with more writing that I want to talk about. Off to meditate now, feels like the natural progression to this blog. Thank you for letting me connect with you all and in turn to myself. I need this. I need to write. I feel more connected. I feel love. I feel all of you.

With much love and connection

Sophie Marie

When you are aligned with the universe

Belief, Connecting, Embrace true self, Faith, Freedom, God, Good karma, Happiness, Helping others, Hiding, Inner child, Inspire, Kindness, Peace, Self love, Share the love, Share yourself, Spirituality, trauma, universe alignment

Hi all, I hope everyone is well. If you are going through any challenges, don’t forget that you can do this. You are stronger than you know and you will come out the other side stronger after having learnt more lessons. Remember that the challenges are not being fired at you as a punishment but as a gift. The universe does not give you what you want, it gives you what you need. You are doing this.

It has been a while since I last wrote. I have been working on other things and have just returned from a brilliant week in Brighton for the holidays and to celebrate my birthday. There is so much that I want to write about however as usual I am just getting on with it. No filter, just going for it. What will come out will come out. I am just being free. I am just being me.

I wrote recently about good karma and as my daughter will tell you good karma is my new favourite saying. Probably getting a tad annoying for her but hey ho. Good things are still coming into my path, from a kind girl giving away her tickets to us at the pier so that we can choose some keepsake goodies to a free coffee on the train. With each new token of kindness I feel more and more blessed and the feelings flood through me that the universe is working with me. I am not alone, I have not felt alone for a very long time as I have a deep faith inside of me that I know everything will be ok and all the things that I have been working on, building in my life will take me to some big places. By big I mean big in the spiritual sense. It feels kind of weird when I reflect on it that I just believe however it is natural and organic. It just is and I just believe. It is a very comforting feeling, very safe. As I write the word safe I cry. I cry as I remember how at many times in my life I have felt anything but safe. How at many times in my life I didn’t know what safe was. At the worst point in my life I was even scared of my own shadow. I am not going deep into that part now however I know that my writing calls on me. It calls on me to connect. I know now that I not only need to connect but I have to. I know it is a part of me that I have to share, a part of me that I now want to share . I think back to all the times that I kept myself hidden away where I thought I was safe, where no one could hurt me or use me or abuse me. At times I guess I didn’t even know I was hiding but I must have been. It was my safe haven, my self protection, my armour. The only problem is that when you shut away a part of you to keep the bad out you also shut out other possibilities. When you are closed nothing and no one can enter.

I am very emotional writing this tonight but they are happy tears. Tears of sadness for my old self that hadn’t yet learnt to love herself. I thought there was something wrong with me, I never felt like I fit in or that I was good enough. I cry for the little girl,me. I was sweet and innocent and lost the spark that made me me. The part of me that made me free. The part that had no filter, I just did and I just said and I love her. I love all of her. I love all of me. I love the me now that is sat writing in my jeans and my new hoody that I have been looking for for a while. A big, mungy dark blue hoody with I heart Brighton on it. Its tacky and I bloody love it. I feel safe and cosy and warm and loved and at peace. I always go back to what my old counsellor told me years ago, words that will still with me forever. He said “you will do great things”. I believed him then even though I did not know in what capacity and I believe it now even more so. I started writing a book a couple of years ago then I didn’t write for a bit and went on to set up my website and blog where I have been writing ever since. I know I need and want to finish writing my book. I am not sure as yet how to carry on where I left off as I feel like I have done that just in a different writing space. I will look at it tomorrow and I am sure after a while I will know what to do. I truly believe that having an autobiography is great however for me I don’t want to read a celebrity (whatever that means) book. I want to read the real life, nitty gritty of a local working person. Someone that has been through trauma and a lot of different challenges and as lots of people say is”still smiling”. I want to read real and raw and I want to laugh and cry with someone. To connect with someone’s pain the way I connect with an artist singing. When I can hear and feel every bit of their pain and fight and strength and courage. This is what I want to write and I am sure there are other people like me that want to read the same. This is why it is so important to me to write my book and not only that, to get it published. I want to make people feel, connect people and inspire people. I really do believe now that I am not just good at my job, being a counsellor. I can say honestly, with depth that I believe supporting people in the way that I do is my gift from God. I also now believe that my gift is also supporting people in other ways, through my art and writing. For me I am still doing the same thing, I am just reaching out in different ways. I am using the whole of me and it feels amazing.

I have a week by myself whilst my daughter is with her dad and I am going to use this week to exercise (try at least) catch up with my beautiful friends for my belated birthday celebrations , write more and create. If the sun shines that will be a bonus however I am happy either way as the sun is always shining in my life. I am as ever truly blessed.

May you learn that the sun is always shining

With deep love and admiration

Sophie Marie

From Me to You

Embrace true self, Faith, Follow own path, Growth, Happiness, Never give up, Self love, Transformation, Vulnerability, writing

Hi all,

I hope you are all well. I am back home now and feeling great to be back. I joke as I say this as when I say home I mean back to writing which is part of my home. As I said in my earlier post I have been busy with helping support more clients in my work as a mental health counsellor, following my spiritual path, getting our home even more organised and generally busy enjoying myself.

As I look back, especially in the last year I reflect on how much I have grown psychologically and spiritually. As I always say, nothing has happened overnight or from a flash of magic. It is the result of continuously working with myself and for myself. It is no longer about knowing what I need to do, it is just a natural, organic process of simply flowing with what is coming into my life and being open to everything.

I welcome the challenges. I know from experience that it is in these challenges that I show myself and the world what I am capable of. I can utilise not only my skills and strengths but my immer strength.

To quote a lovely lady that I met today “you are a strong character” and “resilient” and yes I take the compliments thank you. She really sees me as a person and how regardless of what is thrown at me or put into my path I deal with it, learn from it and help to empower others by doing so. I know my spiritual path has now brought me to another strong place and that is that I am ready to say thank you. Thank you to the people that throw things in my path, try and knock me of my path and anything else supposedly negative against me.

The difference is where I am at in terms of my own inner being, my own core, me and I am in a beautiful place. The beauty being the beauty of my soul. The soul is a place deep within, the real essence of who you are and in reality you. The best way for me to explain where I am going with this is to share a story of years ago. I remember, when writing my book one day saying that however much people try and hurt me, no matter what they do they can never destroy my spirit. I wrote that back then however it is only recently that I really understand the magnitude of that statement.

In simple terms, what people try and put on you or throw at you is just on the surface. Although you are hurt, upset, sometimes traumatised the pain can only go so deep. Even when the pain feels unbearable you do bear it and you do deal with it and you do move on. This is because the true depth of who you are, at the deepest level, at your core, your soul, your spirit is pure and this can never be destroyed.

I was just looking for a quote from “The power of now” by Ekhart Tolle however it is in my other bag so I will put this in another post. In my work as a counsellor I never will accept when a client or anyone says they are broken. I accept this is how they may feel however there is a negative connotation with this in so much as saying “I am broken, hence I can not be fixed, hence I am nothing”. No one is nothing and I write this with a reflective mind as I once believed that I was exactly this. Looking back only now do I realise that I couldn’t possibly have been nothing despite this being how I felt as in order to have been nothing I could now not be me. Woah, I know this sounds deep but it is not as difficult to comprehend as you may initially think. You can not be nothing and something at the same time. Nothing can not suddenly turn into something. This is impossible and so it makes sense that although feelings of this magnitude are valid and real in the moment you can never, ever be nothing. Your spirit, your soul can never be destroyed so there will as always be a something within you and a giant something.

There will always be you and there will always be me and nobody and nothing can ever take you away from you. Even if you can not feel or believe this right now, you will.

I was called a survivor today and I wouldn’t take it on board. The lady I met with said that I was a victim and now I am a survivor. I said firm and proud “no”. I was a victim, I was a survivor and now I am me.

From me to you with tons of love

Always

Sophie Marie

Are you good enough?

Embrace true self, God, Good enough, Growth, Happiness, Hope, Inspire, Learning, Meditation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Self love, Share yourself, Transformation, writing

I am writing this from pages from my previous journal. I can’t give it an exact date however it could be a year ago. I wrote about being ‘good enough’ and this is what I wrote. “The good enough is like up past me, up higher than me. I guess I have always been unconsciously and consciously striving to be good enough but never getting there. Getting there is not real. I don’t feel like I am good enough. This makes sense as this is like I am not a ? person. I am not ? I am me. I will never be ? as I am me. I can not get to not real, I can only get to reality. It is like striving for a fantasy. I am struggling to find the right word. As I say it and write about it I see good enough as up there and high up. I can see that when I have got higher up that this will still not be up enough”.

“The thing is, this good enough is never ending. It just goes higher and higher, on and on. What and/or where am I trying to get to? If I am at a certain height, will I be good enough then? Will I be enough then? Will I be satisfied? Will I be happier? If I got to a specific height, what would I be? If I carry on like this I will never be satified. Have I been striving for perfection or have I been striving to be me? Also, I should be satisfied and happy with who I am now. In the here and now and not who I will become. I am who I am now. I am good enough now. Do I believe this?”

“I will always evolve and grow and mature and change, however I will always still be me. I was me when I was born, I am me now. I am who I am and I am good enough as I am now”.

I wrote something that didn’t quite make sense as I read it back however it was about me not feeling good enough and that I felt ‘good enough’ related to someone else. I wanted to write about this today as it is something that I have thought a lot about recently and one which has had a huge impact on me as of late.

I do not know exactly when my mindset changed. As I sit and reflect, I know there was no pinnacle moment of change, no aha moment. There is an accumulation of growth, understanding and spiritual change. It is a result of all the self development work that I have been doing every day for the past few years. Positive changes do not appear from nowhere despite how it may appear sometimes. They are not the result of luck or miracle. They are the result of hard work, dedication and constant striving to be the best that I can be. The difference now is that everything comes natural. What I do is what I want to do. How I express myself is how I wish to express myself. How I live is how I choose to live. I found God, in me and started to open myself up to whatever and however I chose to express myself. I continue to do this.

I am struggling to write this piece today. I do not know whether it is because I am attempting to write from a previous started piece or that is has been a short while since I wrote. I wanted to be honest with myself and you so that we know it is ok not to always write fluently and at ease. The important point is to just write or just do, whatever it may be. Stumble through it sometimes if you need to, it is ok. Give yourself a break from thinking that everything has to automatically flow and sound great the first time you write. I am sure we all have these days, just stay with it and you never know what will materialise. As I write this my words flow easier. I feel this is because I am connecting to my deeper self which is where I thrive. I can feel in myself when I am more at ease with myself and my writing. The words come easier and I am no longer second guessing them. This is when I am natural, my favourite way of being. The only way of being for me.

Being honest with myself and others about what I believe to be true and how I value my own voice has been a huge catalyst in my spiritual journey and how I feel inside. Around this time I started my website and blog and I now express my true voice. I express myself through my writing, art and interiors amongst others and it enables me to connect deeply with myself. I connect with my inner core and with this I am at one with God (myself). All fear is gone in terms of putting myself out there whether through words or art. I do not worry that others will take from me, steal my ideas or anything negative. There is no thought. There just is. There is just doing. This is when I know I am authentic as everything comes naturally. When I overthink or question, I know I am slightly disconnected and everything comes easy when it comes from deep within. When you are connected to God (you) you are connected. This is when the magic happens. The beauty that is you. Just being your true self and all that comes from this way of being. I wish for everyone to reach this way of being, this level of connection. It is not a quick process. It is a lifelong commitment to yourself. If you knew how amazing it felt you would not hesitate to make the commitment. If you do not make a commitment to yourself, no one else will. You are worth it. We all are.

We all have the deep knowing of our worth however deep down it is. This is inherent within us as it is a part of us. We are not searching (although you may think this) for something external to connect with/to and/or complete you. What you think you need/want is inside you. The more you search externally, the colder you are. Think of the game hide and seek. When you get closer you are said to be warmer. The further away you are, you are said to be colder. This rings very true if you really think about it. People that constantly chase the external are not happy and this makes sense as you are further away from what you really want and need. Being further away from yourself and who you are as a person you will be colder as you are less connected. This really does make so much sense to me now. I say it is not a miracle however it actually feels like it. I wonder if all people that have reached this level of connection and being feels the same.

I really do believe that the most important factor in achieving this level of connection to God, your highest sense, is meditation. I still meditate every night although I am going to incorporate daily meditation as I am finding I fall asleep at night before my meditation ends. When I started to listen to motivational speakers and to people that were enlightened/living from a deeper sense of being the one thing that they all had in common was that they all had a daily meditation practice. I believe it is like many things in life, that you can not fully understand the benefits until you see and feel them yourself. When you feel the protective force (can not think of the correct word here) of meditation, you no longer feel alone. You are not alone and you never will be as you always have yourself. This is when the externals of life become a bonus rather than essential/a need.

I know this is a long post. I know I am now writing from my core as I could write and write and never stop. It is free flowing and organic. I am free. You will always be free when you come from within, when you are connected to your spirit. This is life. Pure life.

I know I do not need to get to a specific point to be fulfilled. I am fulfilled now. I am me now. I am connected to myself now. I accept me now, exactly as I am and exactly where I am. I am not just good enough. I am more than good enough. I am me and I am home. There is no place I would rather be.

With life, hope and love

Sophie Marie x