If you are waiting to become a finished product you are waiting for death

Darkness, Faith, Growth, Hope, Inner child, Inspire, Never give up, Reconnecting, Self love, Small steps, Vulnerability, writing

I am aware of the harsh title of this blog however it is time to start living your life now. We have all done it and said it, many times. “When I get a better job I will be sorted”. “When I lose weight life will be great”. This place, this time, this “when” is now and can only ever be now. We are not alive in the past nor in the future. If either of these places is how you travel through your life then stop and reflect on where you are going. It is only by being right here in this very moment and connecting with now that you touch ‘alive’. You touch life.

Reaching this level of consciousness, this level of awareness requires visiting some dark places. I am not going to lie and say this is easy however I know for a fact that it is never as bad as how you imagined it to be. The unknown always appears larger than it actually is. Getting to the point of knowing that something has to change, you have to change brings every emotion out of the woodwork.

There is a knowing deep inside of you that is calling you. It is not scientific or magical in that sense. It is something very beautiful. It is you.

Your true self, your younger self, your innocent self wants to meet up. You want to connect. You need to connect. Without connection there is a disconnect. With disconnection there is separation. With separation you are alone.

We all know that you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. It is a horrific feeling at times. Somewhere along the journey of your life you left a part(s) of yourself and they are missing you. They have been trying to tell you for a long time but you have not been listening. When you didn’t listen I cried. I still needed you so I tried to get your attention in different ways. When I shouted at you I hurt you. I am not sorry. I did that out of love, for you. I love you and I just wouldn’t stop trying to tell you until you heard me. That is what real love is. It is not flowers and chocolates. It is not dishonesty. It is honest and brave and relentless. It will never give up on you. You are just not listening, not open. You need to be open to receive. Open your heart to love. Open your heart to you.

Love

Sophie Marie x

Sharing your multidimensional self

Abstract art, Abstract art for sale, Art, Contemporary abstract art, Share yourself

I know I have come a long way in terms of talking about myself as an artist as I can actually say the words now. Am I all the way there, hell no but I am trying every day and that is the main thing.

I have written a lot over the years about chasing perfection and how this eats away at people (myself included). I have learnt over more recent periods how to not only accept not being perfect or anywhere near but to use what you don’t know to your advantage.

I used to think “I can’t do that until I know more”. “I can’t put that out there until it looks more professional”. “I can’t breathe until I breathe more…”. You get the picture and for anyone (I know there are lots) who lives like this I urge you to say this to yourself often. Stop. Stop. Stop.

You may think this one tiny word has no benefit however used over time can be used to bring you back into the present moment. Mindfulness. It is only when you stop at these points do you give yourself a little time to realise how much you are torturing yourself and for what, for whom?I feel very blessed that I can say with honesty “I use my pain and past experiences as a tool for growth and to become me in all my glory”. I used to hide myself, really hide as I was constantly saying “I need to work on this”, “I need to sort this out”. Being diligent is great however diligence is not constantly waiting for the right time, the right moment, the perfect website. That is stupidity and falls into the mentality of “when I get more… everything will be better, sorted”. Nonsense.

One of the first comments I wrote on my first art site, my then facebook art page was “if you wait until everything is perfect you will never start”. This was a big moment for me and one which has stayed with me ever since. For me I just had to shout that voice down, feel the fear and anxiety and do it anyway. There is no other way.

The true beauty of people is their soul. What makes you sad, happy, desperate, alive? I want to know. I’ll share mine, will you share yours? As I sit and write I know that my power, my true beauty is in my innocence and my vulnerability. It feels nice and kind to see the words, to hear myself say this and most importantly to believe this. What I used to hide from the world, hide from myself I know use and show and share. I do this as my story is my power. My pain is my power. My struggles and frustrations are my power. I am my power and when I connect with myself I radiate something special to the world. Wow get me today, you go girl.

What I love about you all are the parts of you that you hide, that you are ashamed of. Real and raw are two words that I use to describe myself and these are the characteristics that are so unique to you and so beautiful. You exactly as you are is what makes you beautiful. I don’t want to know how amazing you are now, I want to know your pain and struggles and what makes you get through the day. I want to know your reality. I want to know what made you you and what keeps you you. I want to know all the parts that make you your unique self.

One of my favourite pieces of my original art is titled “Double headed beauty” (see gallery) and with this piece I include my caption “Why be one dimensional when you can be your true multidimensional self”. What makes you unique is what makes you more beautiful and I work hard every day to share more of myself with you in the hope of inspiring you to do the same.

My art is very unique. People need to see me, to hear me and get the whole experience from me. My abstract pieces are a reflection of all that is missing from the world and what I hope to grow in the world. I want to share these experiences with you so you too can connect with me, my art and consequently yourself. That is when life really begins.

I have unique ideas about my art. I have created it and only I know and understand it. I would like to invite you into my inner world so you can get to know me more. I want to share my experience with you and I want to continuously work on my confidence as an artist and promote my art to sell. It is always a work in progress for me however I believe in me so I know it will happen. If I keep following my creative path and living my creative life my work as an artist will grow. Use what fits, lose what doesn’t. I find inspiration from other artists, not necessarily other abstract artists just artists in general. I know that when I truly connect with an artist it is because I can see and feel their soul and that for me is a magical experience.

When you connect with an artist you connect with their art and vice versa as the connection is within two people, two souls and what those souls represent and radiate. I used to be scared and worried that if I sold my art I would be selling myself and this was not something I could detach from. I am now further along in my own spiritual practice and my thinking on this is very different. I want to sell my art now as they no longer belong to me. I have learnt, grown, healed and developed internally through the experience of the art creation and now it is time to set them free so you too can be set free.

With a huge smile on my face and immense pride at what just came out of my soul.

Immense love

Sophie Marie x


Letting go to reach a higher level of being

Creative brain, Growth, Letting go, Organisation, Reconnecting, self improvement, Stuck, writing

How many different emotions have you experienced since yesterday? Me, tons and I am currently feeling a variety of things which is causing some discomfort. I think the biggest feeling washing over me right now is that of something being stuck in me that I want to rid myself of. Sounds weird I know but try and stay with me as I try and stay with myself. My brain is amazing, well I think so and it is also annoying. I have always told people that for me my brain is a blessing and a curse (I am sure all you creative individuals are with me on that one).

To have a brain that will not just settle for the standard, the everyday sort of thoughts. Hell no, my brain is so active today that I have worked so hard already and also have not done one simple thing. Are you still with me? What I mean by this is that I have thought about a million different ideas, creative thoughts, what I want to do, what I need to do, what I need to get out of my head, how I need (or is it want or both) to make my site look even more professional. Aargh. Too much.

I have had a very creative week with new pieces of art, more interior styling and decorating in my house, new creative ideas and now I am at the too many thoughts I can’t focus stage which I know every creative feels and probably hates. It is an infuriating stage, you get fed up with yourself, I feel like I am working so hard but not getting anywhere at all and so I try harder to no avail. This is when I hear the words “stop” screaming out at myself. I need to practice what I preach and just stop.

I felt a familiar feeling today which is when I feel like there is loads of stuff inside me, screaming to be let out but for some reason I keep it in and it pushes harder and screams louder at me. Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.

I took this today that I need to write and here I am. It is a feeling that there are lots of things inside me that need to come out and at the time I theredo not know how they need to come out, just that they need to come out. I feel stifled, untidy, there is a feeling of dirtiness like I need to get more organising done. I know it is all psychological as I know my mind and my body and how it talks to me or tries to talk to me.

For a few weeks I have felt that I am moving on to another level again, moving further up. When this happens it is as though there is a mountain of junk built up that needs to be disposed of. In reality this is not the case as my home (apart from my washing up that needs doing) is tidy, organised and is extremely clean and fresh after I spent the weekend cleaning and creating equilibrium. I get a rush of feelings where I feel the need to dispose of things. As I get to a new level in my personal development, there are things that are then just hanging around, flapping about loose, just getting in the way, tripping me up and needing to go. I can’t simply tip myself upside down and shake the redundant out of me, however that would be so much simpler. For me that equates to “ooh what can I get rid of”.

It is my minds way of telling me that I have reached a newer state of being and I need to let go of emotions/feelings/times/experiences that are no longer serving me and are literally tripping me up. Around this time there is a state of unease, it is uncomfortable but necessary. I am aware that not everyone will experience it like me as I am unique to my own path. I am sure people that continually work on their own being, their own self development, in a constant state of evolving will experience similarities.

The uncomfortable feeling is one where I want to cry a bit and scream. The tears are not of sadness, more of frustration and as I type more I let out a massive sigh. Ooh, that feels better. I feel easier in myself, freer so I know what I needed and by giving that to myself I am able to help myself which in turn gives me my power back.

Having a creative mind and the personality type that I have (INFP) in case you were wondering I am always at great depth. For some people they may see this as me being lost in my own world and there is often a negative connotation with that. People say that to children a lot like being in their own world is a bad thing. Why is being in your own world bad? Who else’s world should you and I be in?

It is easy for people to understand what is in front of them, what is known to them, what they can easily follow however the unknown to anyone is difficult. We need to see greatness in difference, greatness in the unknown as well as fear. It is only when you are willing and or brave enough to enter the unknown that you start to change, to grow and to feel more. Until you know me better, I am all about the feelings. I live at great depth, with great soul and I connect with nature, communication and anything and everything that is real, honest and alive. This is how my world is. I can not be myself and operate on a superficial level as this is not my level. For some this is too much and this is fine. For others they find this interesting, intriguing. For the remaining few where are you? I need to connect. I need to be me and so I write, I create and this is how I interact with the world and myself.

The more I write and follow my creative path the more I have to continue. You know it is your life path as it is not only a want but more strongly a need. Like needing air to breathe. Creativity is my oxygen. To have the ability to express myself in numerous creative ways is a blessing. For all the struggles it creates, I would not change me for a moment. I am as always truly blessed for every part of me and my life and my brain. It is creativity that brings life to the world. I don’t choose to exist in the world, I choose to live. Do you?

With much love and kindness

Sophie Marie x

Stillness

Immediacy or lack thereof

accountability, Immediacy, self improvement, writing

I want to write today about something that I have struggled with for years. This has not only caused me wasted time, energy and stress/anxiety but I have also suffered financially as a result. What I am talking about is immediacy.

The definition that keeps popping up and one from the Oxford dictionary is “the quality of bringing one into direct and instant involvement with something, giving rise to a sense of urgency or excitement”.

For me. my ‘excuse’ is that I am too busy doing other things to stop doing those and focus on something that needs my attention now. My brain knows that with certain things that is what I need to do however I still do not do it. To be respectful to myself, I have to say that I often try and challenge this and vow to be more immediate and not let things pile up. I have good intentions but they do not always transpire hence I am sat at my writing bureau (ooh exciting to say that) surrounded by papers that are on my sorting pile.

Now, for anyone reading right now I have to say that I have recently completed my tax return for my counselling practice and with that I organized, checked and filed my first three years of business away. All neat and tidy, receipts and invoices in check, all accounted for and as organised as could be which makes me very proud.

What I am mainly talking about is little bits of paper with things noted down, invoices that need checking, making sure I have been paid correctly. No ‘big’ jobs, more like itty bitty jobs that get left, put on the to do pile, get left at the bottom of my work bag or other bag. It then takes me twice as long because I have not dealt with them in the moment. That missed day then turns into two and before I realise a full week has passed (or a few). Does this ever happen to you?

It does frustrate me especially as I am getting the rest of my life so much more organised. Having a place for everything and having tidy, minimal drawers. The frustration I feel is that it makes life harder for me. I make my life harder and I promised myself about a year or two ago that I would stop doing this.

No need to start worrying, I am not on a beat myself up mission. I am merely wanting to get out in the open an area that is still an issue for me. Take an example from approximately one year ago (yes one year). I sold a fragile item to someone and had to have it posted. It apparently got damaged. I use the word apparently as I always had a weird, gut feeling about not posting it to this person however I went against my gut and this is what happened.

Jumping forward, I kept putting the refund papers in my bag and then getting them out. I did this many times. These papers were at the bottom of many bags. “I will do it today” I would say and never did. Then the papers sat on my studio stairs waiting for god to sort them I think, who knows. All I know is that those papers sat on those stairs for months despite me always thinking “I’m never going to get that refund now” and despite really needing that money. Still I did not deal with those papers until I sat at my bureau and got out the papers today.

I looked at them and realised to my horror that this was from March 2018. There is a three month time scale for refunds and even though I would have a go I can not find where the photos are stored. This leads me to think “well it’s your own fault” and there is a feeling of justice that this is my consequence for not sorting this out straight away. I guess this sounds a bit like beating myself up but I guess it is foolish to lose money you can not afford to lose.

Back to the here and now and I want to get better at this, I want to try (again) and this is all that I can do. I will say that I am very diligent in the work that I do when I start the ball rolling which is a positive, I just need to learn how to start rolling those balls earlier.

With much hope and encouragement (and hopefully no more financial loss)

Sophie Marie xx

Is your home a reflection of ‘you’ or a copy of the latest trends

Art, Inspire, Interior Decoration, Interior design

Here is my most loved piece of furniture standing proud against the depth of the purple wall, my gallery wall. In order to show the piece in its glory I have chosen a few personal items to bring it to life. The colour of the green in the plants looks stunning with the purple and picks up the green in this original, abstract piece above. The striking orange sits beautifully with the other items, the real treasure being how none of the items are lost. You can see each piece separately and the effect of the whole story.

Photo frames are of different design, all bringing to the table something different, something unique, me. Try not to be afraid of mixing styles up, this is what creates visual impact. I do not normally use more than one of the same item however in this example a standalone plant of this size would not have created the same impact.

I do not believe in matching in the basic sense of the word, this makes a home look ‘uniform’. This vintage bear I found at a car boot sale, at only a few pounds looks perfect stood next to the photo frame. My answer to a lot of my interiors and to my life in general is “why not”.

Interiors should be about personality and all of the areas of your home should show yours. I think a truly beautiful, inspiring home is one where you walk in and you immediately know who the home belongs to. You can see that person or those people in it.

Your home should not be a ‘show’ home, it should be ‘your’ home. Sophie Marie

If you walk around your home, do you see things or do you see people? Things being used to describe items that are ‘in vogue’ or the latest colour. It is apparent when this has happened as you will see lots of that type of item and lots of items in that particular colour, overkill.

Less is always more and although there are a few items on this sideboard, the items are carefully chosen to create a feeling of oneness, happiness and in keeping with me. The people in a home should always be at the forefront of how and what you decorate or design not just material things for the sake of decoration. If you only have one or two items of decoration that you love, just use those. You do not have to ‘fill’ a room, doing so will lose character and this is the essence of what you are looking to create.

I believe that is when you go from a house to a home. A home is filled with you, the people that you love and all of your personalities echoing in each room.

Next time you buy something for your home ask yourself “do I like it or is it me?”. I guarantee if it is you it will be cherished and kept for a long time and not updated with the next season.

The world is not throw away so why should your home be. Sophie Marie

Original, abstract piece available for sale (see Gallery)

‘Somewhere’  Acrylic on canvas 30 x 24.5″ £75

 

With inspiration

 

Sophie Marie