Great, fun and productive day yesterday. Started the day with good coffee, looking at different frames for the next piece of art I am having framed. This one might be more of a tricky one due to the shape of the piece however good ideas came into play and there is now a plan for the first part of the framing process. Surrounding myself with people of similar interests, in the arts industry and also being able to talk to people that have more experience than me so that I am able to learn and grow more and also have a good natter which is half the fun.
I find it more and more important now I am at this stage of my process to be around likeminded people, being able to be totally myself talking about art and what we are all working on feeds me with more and more energy. I no longer feel like I don’t fit it and I know this because I have been opening up to more people letting them know what I am working on, what I am thinking of, what my vision is and it is feeling natural to do so. I am at my organic place, that free place in my heart and soul where I can just be. It is almost like floating around as it is so light, so beautiful. The word ethereal keeps coming to my mind, I love this word. Everything I am doing at the moment is almost effortless. I do not mean that I am not still working every day, building and growing but that I plan what I’m doing and I achieve my goals every day. It is not like work, it is amazing.
I am still listening to hundreds of motivational videos and it is funny in a way as this was not something that I used to do. Talking yesterday, I actually admitted something outloud for the first time, a real eek moment, totally cringe factor but true. I said “I didn’t really listen to them before because I thought I knew it all”. Aargh. I really did think that because of all my self development that I do every single day and my work that I knew what was what. I was always the one everyone came to when they needed someone to listen, someone to offload everything to and I guess over the years I had that role put upon me, maybe I put it on myself ?Actually, yes I did put this on myself although it is not something I was aware of at the time. I think I thought that was what I did, that was who I was. Maybe, that was all I was good for. Ouch.
It is only when you are out of that way of being that you can see the part you played. At a time when I was feeling resentful for people taking and taking and never giving anything back, I came to realise and accept that it was still going on as I was allowing it to. By accepting this in myself I was able to change it. I got to a place a year or so ago where I said no more. I didn’t want that to be the only thing people saw of me. I used to think that there was so much more to me than just someone that listens to people. Yes, I will listen to friends or people I have just met (they seem to just start talking when they meet me) however now I have my limits. I have my boundaries and I do not allow myself to have my boundaries crossed. I was just about to write I do not allow others to cross my boundaries however I knew this wasn’t correct. The big difference here is responsibility. Yes, people will want to and try and cross them but it is down to you to say no. If you don’t know what your boundary is you will never know how to have it respected and be precious about it. It took me many years to understand what a boundary actually is and a lot longer to realise that I never had any, I had never set any. I guess its simple now to say you can’t set boundaries if you never knew you had to set them.
If you don’t know the rules you can never play the game as such. Now I know, I understand, I set boundaries for myself and how others treat me. Of course this is a lifelong process for me and all of us however it is all learning. When resentment builds, ask yourself “have I set my boundaries?”. If the answer is yes, ask yourself “are my boundaries set high enough?”. There is always an answer to a situation, a lesson to an experience, you just have to know this in order to find it.
The one thing I have just realised about writing on my new website is the biggest lesson for me. I am just allowing myself to be. To be organic, to be real, to be raw and just allowing it all to hang out. Whatever is in my head, my thoughts, my feelings, my ideas are just flowing and I am not filtering them. I am not thinking “should I put this?”. I say it again, it is my website, it is my reality, it is my vision and it is my way of living. I am free and I can write what I want, when I want and it is so liberating.
I hope by being my true, free self and putting that amazing energy into the world that I can bring hope to others and inspire others to do the same. It is possible, however; it is only ever possible by putting in the personal work every day. I am blessed every day and that is always what has carried me through. I have always had such a positive mindset even when faced with the most challenging experiences. It is innate. We all have a personal power deep within our soul, even if it is hard to see. Never stop believing it is in you because it is. This will never die.
I just realised how lost in my writing I was. It is such an organic experience for me and I feel truly blessed to be here right in this very moment, connecting with myself and connecting with you. I was hidden for too long but now I am here in full spirit and full of love for the world, for all of us.
With much love
Sophie Marie x